Time Castle

valentines

2012-02-14T02:14:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentines..
Its supposed to be a happy day..

Yet I'm crying to bed..
He must be really pissed.

Im sorry boyy..for disappointing you..
Boyy, I love you <3

imma disappointment

2012-02-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

Imma big big disappointment
My feelings are so complex

Apologetic for not being able to make it for tmr
Depressed for quarreliling with him
Mad at myself for falling aslp last night
Sad for being still stuck at the current situation

And lonely..
Swallowing my tears down
Pretending nothing is wrong

I wanna blame him for not being able to understand my situation
But he is right..
I dont have enough determination
Or should put it this way
Im not heartless enough

But honestly, I cant imagine myself being heartless
If I can be so heartless, I must be a scary person

魂不附身的感觉好可怕
Its sooo suffocating..

How can I be so bitch
So cruel..
A lonely V-day for him..

I know my apologies make him mad
But... I really feel very sorry...

its tomorrow

2012-02-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the day le
I have been repeatedly asking myself if I'm doing the right thing
Mum's health is getting from bad to worse
Im really worried

Her blood pressure is still as always
And she is showing symptoms of shitting blood
Its horrible. Gosh
I cant describe my feelings

Yet I know I cant keep dragging
If I keep dragging, it will never end

She had been coughing badly
Dad is getting more tired than before
And the china worker is going back n not coming back Singapore

Soooooo many things in freaking worried
And haiz

Well, at least recently gt one happy thing
I made up my mind tat the person I wanna be with is Joseph
I push away my fears n believe in him, in us.
Its a magical thing. When you are in love, it kinda give you strength in some sense

Nightmares wise
I dont have dreams these days
But it's annoying me with tat suffocating feeling i get every night
Its like there are spirits in my room?
Well as for that I'm not sure
Im a free thinker but i definitely believe in spirits.

Sorry to all who worship God, be it Allah, Jesus Christ, Mother Mary or any Taosim Deity
I really seriously don't believe the existence of God

As for my luggage
Omo
Chaotic, mess n i feel there's always something i didn't bring
If possible, honestly i would love to bring my whole room over

Headaches n muscle aches are getting worse to horrible
Back hurts while standing, heels hurt as well
Neck n lower back n shoulders hurt while lying down
Basically, any posture or position my whole body aches

Its just few hours away from the critical turning point of my life
Headaches sia haiz
I really dont know how to describe my feelings

Today afternoon, Michelle, Vivian, Auntie Jessie n Uncle Loh came
It feels good to have the family feeling

And today I'm kissing Calisda like hell
Hahahhahah
Coz i guess i might not be able to go back and find her

These days i try to obey parents as much as possible
Trying to be a little nice to them
What will happen to them after i left?

Haiz
My mind not functioning
Argh. Headache

But i can move out, i really need to thank one person
Without him, moving out is definitely impossible
The person who knows me well n understand me without words: Hui <3

I know it's hard for you to put me down,
But since we have agreed to be just friends, and I've made myself clear with you
I sincerely hope you can find a gal who's worth you

I cant thank you enough
For always being by my side
And always there when i need someone
Always my pillar of strength

I can only say
Tankyuu Ben Ben <3

Well, I'm not gonna slp tonight.
I failed to keep myself awake last night
So tonight i prepared RunningMan!!
Something tat will never make me slp!
Wahahahahahahahha clever me

My silly boyy super cute neh
Cox i gt no mood to think of anything other than tomorrow
He today sent me a photo of BR! Omo
It cheers me up wor
Hahahah but it made me crave for it :'(
Next time drag him pei me eat at least twice a month :P

Then hor, he discuss family trip with family to Genting
He count me in too!
Heehee :D

Yet my silly boyy apologize for thinking about trip tgt, v day, etc etc
Silly de. Heehee omo he's just soo cute!
Everytime also he say i silly
Heehee my turn to say he silly hehheh <3

나는 거짓말쟁이

2012-02-08T01:00:00.001+08:00

我不知道.... 我能自欺欺人多久..

Nightmares still haunt me..
Sunday.. I had a weird dream
The beginning of the dream is sweet
Yet the ending is bitter

I dreamt of myself in a practice room, dancing alone. Then a lady, my dance mate i think tells me my bf has come
But I turn towards him n say "ttyl, baby"

And he replied,"Zhi dao le, baby"
I concentrate on my dance n it was nice to see myself dancing again
But when I'm done, and went to look for him
He said this to me,"Im sorry. My love for you is fading. I dont know when I'll fall for another"

Then i woke up in cold sweat. Hahah
Im sorry.. I hid the real ending..

Monday.. Another dream
Im standing in a pretty kitchen cooking lunch for him
When I put the plate of spaghetti in front of him, he gave a disgusted face and asked if the food is edible
I felt a piercing pain in my heart
But replied,"Yups, but if you dont like then leave it. I go da bao something else for you"
It was a cunning sweet plot of his
He keep complaining how bad the food look, the taste is horrible n it's the most awful thing he had in his life etc etc
Complaints non stop
But he had three servings and not even a single drop of gravy was left on the plate

My heart melted looking at him, grumbling and complaining yet seems to be enjoying the food
Hmmm. More of i enjoying his cuteness ba?

I didn't tell him the ending of this dream as well
I didn't touch abit of my food Cox its too enjoyable looking at him eating.

Then he smile n say,
"笨猪我去meet gf 了
虽然这顿lunch实在难吃到不行
But 还是谢啦!"

It was too real
Seems too real
I woke up, pinching myself to tell myself it was just a dream

Dreams are opposite of reality
I try to convince myself.
But I wanna believe in tat dream he had

I dont have confidence in love nor myself
I lied.. I said there's no more nightmares..
But truth is..
Im still having nightmares every night

今天不知怎么搞的

2012-02-04T21:15:00.001+08:00

今天不知怎么搞的
好想好想你
想要听你的声音
可是.. 不知道要用
什么理由什么借口打给你
傻傻的抱着你的替身
眼泪又不听使唤...

我还把它带出门呢
因为它孤零零一个
感觉..怪可怜的
所以它陪了我一整天! 哈哈!
Hmm... 它还蛮惨的呐
白天陪我晚上也要陪我
嘿嘿... 没办法啦
Without it, 100% can't sleep liao :|

old email joke

2012-02-03T02:28:00.000+08:00

WAYS TO TURN MEN DOWN 

HE: Can I buy you a drink? 
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. 

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? 
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday? 
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. 

HE: Your face must turn a few heads. 
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs. 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. 
SHE: Okay, get out. 

HE: I think I could make you very happy. 
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you. 

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. 

HE: Is this seat empty? 
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living? 
SHE: I'm a female impersonator. 

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign? 
SHE: Do not enter. 

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

what's the truth then?

2012-01-30T22:24:00.001+08:00

Do you know why I felt tat I'm a 后背轮胎?

Your words are still ringing in my ears
"My love to you is fading, coz we dont get to meet up"
I can't tell you that I can promise any commitment now
You said that love is fading, but it doesn't mean you dont love me anymore

Hellos
Love got measurement? Can count in percentage?
100% then fade le drop till 50%?
Now what? Boost up to 100% again?
Then you gonna tell me it will be fading to what percentage?

Love can't be measured my dear.
Then what am I to you since I'm not a 后背轮胎?

You feel comfortable with her at that point of time
Thus you got tgt with her, two days right after our arguement
So I choose you n become your gal
We quarrel n fight
And comes another gal
You are comfortable with her
So what? Ditch me, go with her?

My imagination is too wild
But you can't understand how hurtful it is to hear this from someone you love:
My love to you is FADING

heartbroken

2012-01-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

Just saw your blog post..

I didn't know this is how you look at me
Then what do you want me to reply you?

Last night my phone was confiscated
I chat with Hui till dawn
I fell asleep crying
Yet in my dream its you again

But.. Thanks..
Thanks for letting me know tat I'm nothing but a slutty bitch to you
Who wants to be pampered by many guys

I told you I want to enjoy singlehood
Cox the reason i wanna move out is coz i want my freedom n i wanna find back myself
I dont know how to smile n laugh anymore
Do you know how pathetic tat is?

So I'm tat kind of woman in your eyes
I shouldn't have reject everyone then?
Then i really can have ppl doting on me n pampering me

Dont worry
Even tat i have no one now
I still have myself

谢谢你

2012-01-30T21:22:00.001+08:00

我把所有的人都推开了
突然觉得好寂寞好空虚

我没有选择你
也没有和他在一起
感情路好难走
崎岖又辛苦
我还是好爱好爱他
今天有点发烧
却心里只担心他

他昨晚说吃的太胀
有点恶心, 想吐
他呀.. 就是不会照顾自己
不知道他有没有发烧

哈哈.. 自己发烧没人理
却担心别人

说真的.. 对他来说..
我在他心里是什么地位
他寂寞, 空虚时
才想到的后备轮胎?

当我告诉他, 我选择了自己谁都不要
他是失落还是一点影响也没有呢?

他又变得冷淡了
因为这个目标失败了
所以连朋友也不能做吗?
哈哈... 我呀..
真可悲对吧?

老公..
拜托.. 不要等我
等人是浪费时间和精力的愚蠢事
谢谢你.. 总是以我为优先
事事都帮我想好
有你的日子我很幸福
但是
我不能太自私
我不能心里有着他
却若无其事地当你的女朋友
老公..谢谢你
谢谢你为我做了这么多
谢谢一切的一切 <3

要开始学习独立
要习惯没有你的日子

我会加油的! ^^

好聽

2012-01-28T03:50:00.000+08:00

http://m.youtube.com/?rdm=4pf3n1zyg&reload=2#/watch?v=bz-ZbYDgvzo

你說的話我都相信
說得好聽說得甜蜜
你說的每一句我都相信

你說的話總那麼好聽你愛不愛我不能確定
也許你只把它當遊戲我卻愛得太用力

我沒那麼聰明
我好怕..历史重演
你懂吗?

sleepless

2012-01-27T02:11:00.002+08:00

Okays Im dead
Laogong fell asleep before chat

I dont need to slp liao :|

what should i do

2012-01-27T02:00:00.001+08:00

Im scared..
I dont know what I should do

为什么你要回头?
我好不容易才让自己不去想你
我很清楚
我还喜欢你
因为你问我 can I have you back 的时候, 我的心情是有点雀乐..却有些害怕
那时的创伤太重
我依然不能理解爱为何如此不堪一击
你爱上另一个人是什么时候?
在我们争吵时? 在那之前?
争吵后的两天
是我无法接受的恐怖事实
你是别人的了

Im still having the same nightmare every night..
Even after Laogong coax me to slp.. I'll still wake up in cold sweat

I know I have feelings for Laogong
But why?
Why I can't tell you that I had given up hope on you n you dont stand a chance?
Why? Why I just can't say...

Why am I always putting what I wanna say in my pocket?

CNY 2012

2012-01-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

CNY CNY~~
BUSY TO THE MAX
ULTRA TIRED

But but..
Im happy!! =D

Not becox of HongPaos
but its the "kampong spirit" in my family!

Anyways,
I still havent finish washing dishes
Omo

HAPPY CNY DARLINGS~~ <3

*runs off to wash dishes*

grocery shopping

2012-01-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

I dont know do how many rounds of grocery shopping liao sia.
Omo
Its soooooo tired
But worthy since its CNY :D

I feel sooooo blissful
I have a Laogong tat knows me without me saying much <3

de-stress

2012-01-10T13:38:00.020+08:00

Omo.
My backaches, neck pain, leg cramps and muscle aches are really killing me
Especially lower back n shoulders.

Hmmm...
I somehow sounds damn old auntie sia
Omo :|

Well well well..
I finally finally start to watch RunningMan again!
It has been quite a few months ever since I watch kshows n kdramas liao neh

But it's always addictive to watch them
I won't know how to control myself not to watch >_<

But hor
Its kinda weird eh
When I feel sooooooooo suuuuuuuuuuuuper duper ultra tired
To the point I can stand and fall asleep
Yet when I start watching Khuntoria or Running Man, I'll be 100% awake and my sleepiness will vanish
(esp the Thailand episode! Omo~
How can I fall asleep when my favorite eye candy is the guest of tat episode!
Nickkhun~~~
How can he be so cute n handsome n charming at the same time?)

Khunnie manse manse man-manse~
RunningMan manse manse manse~~ :D

Birthday :D

2012-01-05T02:00:00.001+08:00

This year's birthday I had two celebrations
One @ NYNY
Another @ Long Beach Seafood Restaurant

Another special thing is
I've got a Laogong who sang birthday song to me
And even personally meet me to wish me happy birthday!

Laogong,
My b'day present I still thinking.
But I most probably will ask you buy cookery for me :P

And hor
This year is rather special
It will mark my day of freedom

Planned to move in Oct
But in the end, plan fail
Nov.. Then Dec..
Keep dragging

Thus I made my mind to move in Jan
at most is drag till end of Jan

I still thinking about CNY
haizzz.

2012

2012-01-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

Its a brand new year le..
Time really flies..

And new year always reminds me of my birthdays..
And I really start to ponder..
Have I ever enjoyed my birthdays?

Most of my birthdays seem enjoyable
I had fun
But..
Its more of like entertaining others than enjoying myself

Joke?
Nah. Im dead serious.

When I was young,
Mum used to book restaurants "VIP" rooms n..
Da-dah~
A big sumptous feast~~

But.. Honestly..
Celebrating whose birthday?
Mine right?

I hate to wear lots of accessories (even till now)
At the age of three, I must wear till like a Xmas tree -.-
And wearing clothes to her liking ( Erm. Well, true enough tat at the age of three, I won't be able to select my own clothes combi la)

At seven, birthday party
Yesh, I still clearly rmb, somehow (bits n pieces)
My classmates, all relatives (Yesh. ALL)
Neighbors, etc eyc
Hmmm. My birthday party or relatives gathering?

Lets not drag so farrrrr
The recently 5 years de:
Sweet 16 - ALLLLLLL relatives n some of my friends
(Erm. Hellos?
Shouldn't I be purely my friends?)

Lovely 18 - Weekend Cruise
(Excuse me. Im not a gambler.
Blackjack during CNY is to entertain those SUPER DUPER BORED cousins.
Its more like entertaining you n dad who both are gamblers -.-)

Worst birthday?
My 21st.
I wanted a chalet, yeah I got it
I wanna invite ONLY my friends n maybe few cousins, but nah. I got ALLLLLLLL MY RELATIVES n YOUR FRIENDS, DAD'S FRIENDS -.-
And due to budget wise.
I dont dare to invite all my friends over.
Yet you are complaining ever since last year till now
I just dont understand. Its not as if I'm gonna invite 1000 ppl? You prepare so many food for?
Argh. When you have too much to say, you become speechless Cox you dont know where to start from. In the end, the whole lot of anger n grieve swallowed down the tummy, burdening the already tired heart

My new year isn't happy
:(

自由的定义

2011-12-29T23:06:00.001+08:00

“什么是自由？自由是选择的权利，即为自己创造选择的权利。若失去了行使这种权利的机会，人便不再是人，而只是一整体的部份，一种工具和一件事物而已。”

自由不仅是人身有行动、言论、思想、信仰的自主权，更应包括心灵的安息、良心的自由、不受罪的权势所辖制。身体与灵魂得自由，才是真自由。

我要我的自由...

自由何价

2011-12-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

生命虽可贵，
爱情价更高；
若为自由故，
两者皆可抛！

人都有追求自由的欲望，所以“不自由毋宁死。”

被囚困的鸟想飞

Merry Merry Christmas ^^

2011-12-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

叮叮当叮叮当铃声多响亮
Its Christmas le neh

Few days ago is the solstice season
I miss my childhood days
Rubbing TangYuan with Auntie 玉君
Those red n white ones (no fillings de)
But those are the best type of TangYuan

Few days more New Year le..
Time flies..
Countless of lonely Christmas n New Year..

I dreamt of a White Christmas at Hokkaido last night!
Its shall be my goal! :D
But I was alone again.
Lol
But I do look happy n 幸福 <3
Tats a gd thing isn't it?

But what's the definition of 幸福 ?

遥不可及的..

2011-12-08T18:41:00.001+08:00

我累了
心更累
拼了命想要的平静
你在哪里
如此靠近却又似乎遥不可及..

Nightmare

2011-12-01T11:26:00.003+08:00

Same nightmare, but different ending.

The same corridor,
The same scenario,
The same old me,
The same old game we had in the same old time.
Yet, I then realize the different ending symbolizes an end n a start.

In my dream,
I was still unable to catch up with you
I was again sitting there crying coz I couldn't find you
I thought i heard you, but when i look up, you weren't there.
You used to be there, smiling at me,
saying,
"傻瓜, 我不是在这里吗?
别哭了, 笨猪!"

then you disappear..

But this time round,
I dont see you at all
not even hearing your voice..

Ive gotta admit that I used to stare at fb,
waiting for your posts..
Waiting for news feeds of yours..
But I realised that I dont do that anymore.
All I do now is checking on news feeds of all friends n if happen to chance on yours,
I'll just read or most of the time skip
At most like or comment, but I dont follow anymore

Its kind of a gd thing, isnt it?

I finally put you down
I know tat we can't even be gd frens like before anymore
Maybe we will be gd frens but won't be like before ba?

I watched a clip on YouTube recently
Title?
"Why Woman n Man can't be friends?"

Hahah. A topic I always argue with you.
I rmb once was when I reject you then I say we can be BFFs
You disagree tat man n woman CAN be BFFs

Another time I guess was when I told you tat I rejecting H guy ba?
Then I say I wanna be friends with him still
n you say ONLY normal Hi-bye friends n nothing else

Rmb?
Maybe you don't. Hahah

Well. It doesn't matter anyway.
But I still believe we can be BFFs <3

Hubby n Laogong

2011-11-18T11:17:00.005+08:00

I am a lucky gal, I guess?

Always being loved by many, be it friends, relatives, parents, even customers, n nevertheless, lovers n suitors

I do have bad exp before, those who know me well should know abt it, esp if you do read up on my past posts

Love triangle is the last thing I want to get involved with. Yet, I'm in one right now.
Okays. I know I know, I read liao also this expression -.-|||

Please dont ask me why, but I always have suitors. So since 16, I'm never single n without suitors.
Im not boasting, coz this isn't something I feel proud of :/

In fact, I felt irritated at times.

Well, right now, worst-case scenario.
Love triangle. U_U zzz
Feelings more attached to Laogong, yet Hubby is more of my ideal.

What's worse is, I realize Hubby always reminds me of someone.. They are similar in some ways, yet they are very different.
One is a gentleman, the other is a horny bxxxxxx. -.-

Sorry. Gotta forgive me on my language huh.
Coz its true. Lol

Haiz...
Maybe in the end,
I still prefer singlehood,
Carefree n no strings attached. :)

happy b'day Satan..

2011-11-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

Memories.
Flaskbacks.
What a dream.
Correction: a nightmare.

Memories flooding in
Tears flowing down

Heart breaks so loud
My room so spacious
Yet I kept seeing you

I see how we started, how we ended
It was just like yesterday

Once we were just pure friends
That really get along
Then we became closer
Addressing each other as siblings..

Once you were a gentleman
Always caring for me
Always so sweet..
Then I slowly walked into your trap.. Your honey trap

I was so innocent n pure..
All i wanted was your love nothing more
You treated me like a princess
And i was so pampered

Once i was the apple of your eye
i say i wanna watch art concert at my sch
you push away your tkd practices
making sure you are definitely free on tat day for me

Our focus n attention werent on the concert
even its dance, be it my juniors up there or the routine i like
my attention was on how to prevent you from tickling me
and yours was how to tease n disturb me so my attention will be on you

I still rmb i used to hate coke
but you didnt know
I know you were afraid i would be thirsty
but tat can of coke taste so nice
we were sharing it

Once you came to fetch me from sch
without telling me
a pleasant n sweet surprise
Even just window shopping, wandering around without any destination in mind or just looking at each other
Sweet atmosphere
Love is in the air
Correction: was

Once we took the longer routine to my home
which took about 40mins than the usual 10mins
just to get tgt for a bit longer
making an extra effort just for tat bit longer

Once you sat on my bed
Hugging me,
Sleeping soundly,
N I kissed you..

Once you stand there
Watching me
Keeping the malt candy
Playing audition sea
N I always smile at you..

Once you sat there
Listening to music with me
Chatting about everything n anything with me
Staring at me
N I stared back at you blankly..

Once you were so close to me
so near though you say live sooo far
Our hearts were linked once before

Once you taught me the tkd moves
I saw the man I love beaming with confidence
I was like "ahhhhh, that's my man you know"

So many memories
I couldn't just delete them nor reformat my brain

The hug so tight n forceful,
I could hardly breathe
The kiss so soft n sweet,
I could hardly resist
The hands so big n warm,
I could hardly refuse

I miss you every single day, i still do
I suffer in vain without you in my life, its still painful
I love you till I would rather I be the one suffering those wounds n injuries, I wish the pain could be inflicted on me instead, its bleeding in my heart

Yet?
I hate you to the very core of my bones
I used to be dying to see you, just to make sure you are alright, even a glance at you is more than enough
Now?
Im dying to erase you off my life
I wish I could

Reality?
I could never do it
I wanna hate you for my life
I know it will bring me plain torture n nothing else
But I wanna rmb you

My first true love,
Lucas

Deceive

2011-11-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

I could deceive everyone, but why I couldn't deceive myself?

Jerk. I tried to forget you.
But I still can't.
Fuck.

It hurts.
It still hurts...

Choices

2011-11-05T17:38:00.001+08:00

When I was single for too long, I yearn for love
When I was out of love, I complained to myself, I failed because I dont have many choices

But now,
I have too many choices
I don't have an answer to my question

Who is the one tat is suitable for me?
Who will love me more than he love himself?
Who will standby me when I need him?
Etc etc
But I dont have an answer to these questions

Haiz...

that 'me'

2011-10-25T01:38:00.000+08:00

That side of 'me' took over again.
I tot she died alrdy.
When my love for tat Satan turned into hatred.

She's back.
Taking over me again.
To see tat flow out of there,
To feel the warmth of tat down my there
She is my remedy.

Only she can ease my pain.
I feel calm now.

Next will be.. those.

sleepless sleepless night..

2011-10-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Sleepless is a scary thing.
Sleepless for about a week is even scarier.

When you are so tired, until you can fall asleep standing....
The minute you close your eyes..
Nightmare.
Nightmare n nightmare

Now.. I so scared to close my eyes..

最没诚意的告白方式

2011-10-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

最没诚意的告白方式:
SMS, MSN, FB, TWEET or whatsoever.

Is it so hard to tell someone you love her n confess face-to-face?
So sincere of you to ask on MSN =.=

*Sigh*

I would definitely say,"YESH" to anyone who confess n ask me to be his gf face-to-face IN PERSON <3

Moving out

2011-10-19T14:13:00.001+08:00

Plan A: 50%
Plan B: 0%

I really need to faster abit liao sia
Too slow poke :/

When a guy dont give you a single bit of security, you tend to feel loneliness, fear n insecurity :(
Hais..
Why can't you let me feel more secured?
How good if you tell me you can protect me, n I'm safe as long as I have you protecting me?

Heroro.. I feel insecure.. :(

Suddenly reminds me of someone being jealous when I told him abt my Childhood bf always protecting me when I was young. He said,"He can protect you when you are young, doesn't mean he can protect you now. But I can protect you now n in the future"

So sweet huh?
Sweet talk. Honey coated words.
Ha ha.

心好乱

2011-10-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

从来没想过, 你会看我的blog

我以为我可以慢慢地忘了你
你的冷漠让我相信我可以

可是
为什么突然地关心我
我的步伐乱了
心也乱了

怎么办
I think i still need more time to forget you
4 78455 5683 968

Another Satan

2011-10-15T17:11:00.001+08:00

Satan,

I got rid of you alrdy. But you have another twin bro now.
I tot a blockhead can't hurt me.

Just like you, promise promise and promise.
Break break break n break.
How nice.

Lucas, I told you tat Satan is a fall angel, Lucifer?
And I said tat even though Lucifer is a fallen angel, a bad guy, the evil one, I'll still love you as you are.

Now you have your twin, Blockhead.
Everytime I try to give myself a chance to love, I'm bound to fail.

Just realize I dont think of Lucas, Wilfred not even Joseph for the past few days.
Only keep thinking of that bloody idiotic Bloackhead.

Maybe I should give him a chance.
I should put faith in him.
I should believe I can be in love de, I can be blissful de.
How nice how nice.

Thinking of this Blockhead for the whole night till insomnia. Now my dark eye circles so deep.

I thought he misses me even more.
Thus the moment I gt back my phone, I msg him immediately. See tat he haven't reply. Worry this worry tat.
What if he fell asleep in the living room again?
What if he fell sick?
What if he catch a cold how?
If he sick, gt ppl take care ma?
Keep thinking abt him.n him only.

Tell me give him chance
Tell me believe in him
Blah blah blah
I really too naive le

Call him Cox i miss him
Its obvious isn't it?
When you receive a call from someone, 100% is Cox the person is thinking of you, missing you then will call you wad
Then you miss her also, yearn for her.
She happy cannot laugh cannot smile ah?
Then say she laugh is Cox she tease you
Wtf.
She eat too full ah? Or too.bored?

Nevermind.
Best part?
You miss him whole night then exchange with " I go find OTHER GAL"
WOAH
WIN LIAO LOR

Then give empty promise again la?
Promises are meant to be broken.
A joke can hurt.
Heartbreaks are hard to heal.

Dont tell me you are tat blockheaded to not know these.
Argh.
I shall not be naive le

I will REMEMBER to talk to you in MONOTONED MANNER
DONT MISS YOU

COX IN EXCHANGE
YOU WILL TELL ME
YOU WANT SOME OTHER GAL
HOW NICE
HOW NICE
ITS TO ASK SOMEONE TO FUCK OFF IN ANOTHER WORDS
HA HA
WHAT A JOKE

Dilemma

2011-10-13T18:26:00.001+08:00

Dilemma

I know it very well. I should leave this house.
Just like Pighead said,"if you give in any further, they will still take it for granted. Thus there should be some soul-searching done."

Its true tat they, or to be exact, its she is always hindering my future. If i was less obedient n give in less, i won't end up in a course n school i dont like.

I want freedom.
I'm sick of hearing my friends n cousies telling me the same old thing: you so poor thing. I pity n sympathize you. But i can't do anything to help you

I need a change.
I need help.
Lucky i still have my dearest Pighead <3

Needing you

2011-10-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

Baby..
I really missed you..

I know. I shouldnt be.
but i just cant control my thoughts.

That bitch hit me again.
I need your kisses to heal them.
Last night quarrel le, took my phone away, in the end, no pics of you pei me to bed.
This morning i dont know whats wrong with her.
Just becox house phone is in my room, she made a big fuss.
I give in, dont wanna quarrel, dont wanna hai dao my friend.
Cox she called him back.

Then she became damn ridiculous.
Took my windows phone, now my bb as well.
Lucky i gt old samsung as spare.
but samsung de abit problematic.

If you could be here, hold my hand, tell me i'll be fine cox i have you like you always do.
Sorry. Used to do.
Must keep remind myself "past tense past tense"
hahahahahhas.

If only you could be here, lead the way, assure me.
I'll leave this place now.

Few days more will be Ah Yang's wedding buffet gathering.
Few weeks more is her actual big day.
I dont know if i can last that long.
If i were to leave this place, what should i bring?
Piglet and the tee you bought for me is a must,

But somehow i keep looking at Chubby no.2 n 3.
Gifts from my second ex tat i've mentioned to you before.

I rmb you always tell me to lean on you.
When you fetch me from my ipp workplace, you said i can lean on you whenever im tired. so can i do that now?
When we were at USS, you said i could hug you if i want. I wanted to when we are saying goodbye. But you walked away too fast. You didnt turn back.

Baby.. I miss the way you call me 'Baby'
I miss the moments we were tgt.
I miss it when you insit on carrying my things for me
I miss it when you hold me hand, not wanting to let go
I miss it when you say you love me.

I know you dont anymore.
I wont be tat naive to think you still do.
But now.
I wanna be naive for a split second.

Baby, deep down in your heart, there must be somewhere.
Im still there. right?
That is why im not deleted from your fb list right?
That is why you still reply my msgs though you are being so cold to me. right?
Maybe. Just maybe.
You are reading this.

Just wanna let you know.
I Love You, Baby.
Im not someone who will say ILY easily.
Cox when i say it, i meant it.
I'll give up my life for the one I love.

Just becox I Love You,
I pushed you away, out of my world.
Just becox I Love You,
I know you deserve a better gal, someone who puts you in her first priority.
I couldnt. I need to settle too many problems.
Just becox I Love You,
I would rather be cruel to you, cold to you, bad to you.
So you can love another n forget all abt me.
So you would think I never loved you.
So you would think im just a selfish gal, who only thinks of herself n always neglect you.

I meant it when i say "要幸福喔"
I just want you to be happy, to last long with her, to be 幸福

不过, 我必须老实告诉你
我真的很爱你的
I never knew. Love can be so sweet.
You taught me tat having a guy always there for you, be it hard times or good times.
I can be 幸福 too.
You let me know i can rely on you for support. I dont have to bottle everything up
thus thank you for giving me 幸福

Baby. I need you now.
I need you right now.
Wipe my tears for me
Give me a hug
Tell me you will take care of me for the rest of your life
Your words keep ringing in my ears
They never go away, since the day i pushed you away
I gaved up on you
I regret le
But no uturns in life huh?

I should have accept your proposal at that moment.
Why must i stupidly keep thinking of others opinions?
Why must i keep scared of your parents will dont like etc.
Why am i tat dumb to let you go?

I want you back.
No.
I need you.

Baby J,
C <3 J

还是爱着你,
Carin

Missing you again

2011-10-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

Its raining at my side.
You gt wear extra clothing? Weather cold, you always dont wear jacket de. But just recovered from sickness cannot bu guai ah!
How I wish I can tell you all this. But I'm in no position to do tat.

Hope you are not working in the rain again.
Hope she will remind you of all these.

It still hurts, when I miss you.
But improvement!!
I learnt to smile when I miss you.
Smiling at the thought of your sweetness, silliness n thoughtfulness :)

Loves,
Carin

I just died

2011-10-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

You guys look so compatible.
Ha. Hahahahahha

I just died.
But the pain from the cuts doesn't help

My heart hurts
Carin

Love = driving?

2011-10-08T19:20:00.000+08:00

Love is just like driving a manual car
You get into a car, start your engine: waiting for love
You put down your handbrakes: your 'firewall' in your heart
Checking your surroundings n mirrors: self reflection, asking if you are ready for it

When you are at neutral gear: you n him are just friends
Gear 1: you start to feel he is special, different from the rest of your guy friends
Slow n steady, you move to gear 2: you wanna get closer to him, start to think of him often
Car is picking up its speed, thus gear 3: you start to miss him, wonder what he's doing, whether he had his meals, start to msg him more than often, wanna hear his voice, miss his smiles, his laughter, the moments you're with him
Thus gear 4: sweet nothings. The stage where you n him are always lovey dovey, sweet sweet love.
Gear 5? Happily ever after? This is the stage everyone yearns for. Longlasting love.
But...
Things never go so smoothly, isn't it?

You can gear up. Thus, you can gear down.
Gear downs: arguments, bickers, quarrels and disagreements. Soon, all your sweetness turns into bitterness.
Then worst case scenario: breakup or strangers
So you're back to square one: neutral gear, handbrakes up, engine off
Building a defensive wall around your heart, not moving forward n dont yearn for love anymore.

Well. Being hurt once takes years to heal.
Twice, then now thrice.
I'll never allow a fourth.
An open wound not healed, then cut on it again n again.
I'm really sick of love n r/s le. Everytime I try, everytime I believe, everytime I have faith, I'm bound to be disappointed n hurt.

I'll never repeat my mistakes again.
Never ever.

Sign off <\3
Carin

Excruciating

2011-10-05T20:48:00.000+08:00

I'm so emo today.
Looking at the slots machine, I start crying
Looking at my mocha, I cried
Looking into the air, tears
Looking at the movie, tears again

I've lost count how many times I cried today..
I really miss you.

If I dont read up on your blog, your wall posts, maybe probably I won't cry this much

But when i gave you my blessings for you n her to last long n i really hope from the bottom of my heart that she will love you much more than you loves her.

However, the pain is really excruciating
I couldn't breathe at all.
I need to borrow my mum asthma inhaler thingy.

The fact tat you took my heart away doesn't change.
When i see your signature, i feel my heart stop a beat.
J <3 C

Yet. C is her. Not me. Not anymore.
I didn't know i fell for you this deep.
I drowned in your love.

Sinking into tears,
Carin

I cant breathe ..

2011-10-05T02:30:00.000+08:00

My heart doesn't seem to be beating.
I've tried too hard to divert my attention to many other things, so the pain of missing you might cease.

Why are you so cruel?
Can't you call her some other Nick other than 'baby'?
Or is it tat all gals you like as 'baby'?

Everything reminds me of you.
When I'm eating my double cheeseburger, reminds me of a cute guy drinking my cappuccino, complaining its bitter. Keke~

When eating my noodles esp ramyun, reminds me of cutie boyy staring at me, waiting for me to finish my kimchi ramyun n he was busy taking pics of himself n my gift for him.

Whenever i drink soft drinks, i rmb we kinda indirect kissed Cox we shared a bottle of 100plus.

Baby.. You must really be super ultra happy n blissful.
Though i still loves you, I'm trying hard to control my emotions.
I have improvement!!
I smile the minute my eyes well up when i miss you.

--------------

To have endless of suitors could be fun.
But I'm so sick of hurting ppl.

But H,
As promised huh.
I'm trying hard not to cry.
I'm a good gal today.
I only cried twice :)

Hahahs.

Heartbroken,
Carin

Love?

2011-10-04T02:04:00.001+08:00

I'm going crazy.
Its torturing enough to miss you.
I must be mad now, mad enough to be sobbing n smiling at your pics.

All your words ringing in my head.
Your laughter, your voice n your kisses.
It was less than a month ago when we argue over tiny little matters, as we missed each other too much.

I've gt tat urge to dial your numbers. But I know. I'm nothing to you already.
It was just last week when you told me nothing is more impt than replying my msg, picking up my calls. I was your world.

Past tense. Ha ha. I'm so fucking pathetic

--------------------

To Mr. H:

You know he will be in my heart for quite some time. You wanna wait. You wanna prove tat you love me or whatsoever.
But?
Obviously, I only have tat feeling tat you are soughting for lust not love.

I have mistaken you?
Prove me wrong then.

----------------------

All I want in love is a guy who loves me, understands me, cares for me n understand my situation.
I just wish to be his pillar of strength n the one he will turn to no matter is it happy, sad, anger or pain.
I need him to give me assurance bcoz I'm a gal always lack sense of security.

To give me a hug when I'm sad,
To kiss me when I'm pissed,
To cheer me when I'm down,
To hear me whine when I'm depressed,
To coax me to bed when I'm unable to sleep,
To be there for me when I'm tired n lost.

I'm nt suit for love.
Moral of the story:
Honey coated words are lies n broken promises in disguise
Never believe in men, esp. The one you love.

Heartbroken,
Carin

Genting!

2011-10-03T16:14:00.000+08:00

I'm at Genting but my heart is still in Singapore..

I'm supposed to catch some sleep on the bus, but I couldn't. My previous trip was full of happiness becoz I have you thinking of me.
But this trip is full of loneliness.. Cox she is in your heart now.

I'll try harder
I'll just focus on every other thing, probably tat way.. I won't miss you tat much..

Loves,
Carin ):

I miss you..

2011-10-03T01:43:00.000+08:00

I changed my phone wallpaper..
From the cute pic of zhuzhu kissing your cheeks to a blank black screen.

I wanna regret, but I know I can't.
I wanna regret of pushing you away from me when I wanna be with you
I wanna regret of saying things opp. of my true feelings
There's so many memories I hold onto
Its torturing.

But to see tat you're love with someone else
I'm happy for you.
Yet I'm in agony
To see the one you really really like
becomes someone else's bf..
To see your wall post shows your love for her

I'm dying
from the pain in my chest

But.. At least i know,
There's one point in your life i was the most important gal to you.
Though its past tense now.. Hahah..

2011-10-01T02:03:00.001+08:00

I was the one tat gave up
But I'm so pathetic now

I'll never believe in love.
Never again.

My heart hurts
Someone please save me
It really hurts
Its really painful

I should be happy to see you are so xin fu..
But it just hurts so much

I'm breaking down..
I felt like being tear apart..
Its another sleepless night.. Crying till dawn..

I shouldn't fall for you
Shouldn't believe in love
Shouldn't think tat far
I'm going crazy..
My chest hurts.
It feels so hard to breathe

2011-10-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

Lucky me.
I've been so busy these two days tat I didn't think of you, until now.

Tears again.
Wahaha. I'm so ridiculous n PATHETIC.
You have a gf le huh?
I should congrats you. I couldn't.
I shouldn't be such a whore to check for new post at your fb wall.

I know. It's time i should face it.

Heartbroken,
Carin

2011-09-28T23:08:00.001+08:00

I miss you today again.
Argh.
I wish I can get you outta my mind

I wanna hear your voice so much..
I wanna know what are you doing..

But I know..
I mean nothing to you now..
I guess you have a new gal.

It hurts to know it doesn't seem to affect you in any way..
It hurts so much for me.

I miss all the honey coated words, even if they were lies..
I wanna hear them..

I miss you....
Baby.. C<3J

2011-09-28T01:56:00.000+08:00

I promised myself never to fall in love ever again.
Yet, I failed.

The moment I fell for you, I thought I could believe in love again.
Nope. I was wrong.

Tonight is another sleepless night.
Looking at your pics, msgs.. I wish I can smile to bed
But I couldn't.
I cried again.

I miss you.
I miss your voice, your smile, your laughter, simply everything.

I'm too naive I guess.
I should grow up, never believe in anyone other than yourself.
Love is a game I can't afford to play.

I'm so pathetic.
I really fell for you, baby.
I love you......

My heart is lost. I feel so empty
The emptiness is so suffocating
It hurts.....

A joke can hurt, dont you know?

2011-08-03T17:19:00.000+08:00

A joke can hurt.
It can inflict a wound on someone.
It can stab deeply into someone's feelings.
They are such simple things, dont tell me you dont know?

Yesh, I might be kinda over-sensitive and even petty.
Sorry huh, but that's me.

Stab someone then tell them you are sorry.
Even best, tell them you can heal the wounds you inflicted.
Woahs. You are soooooooooooooooooooo nice huh.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

梦非梦

2011-08-01T15:42:00.001+08:00

做了个梦.. 你就在身边..
对我微笑着..
梦好甜好甜..

然后你告诉我, 你又有了新的她,
所以, 不需要我了..
梦变得涩涩的..

你的她太忙..
你寂寞了..
我的耳边才有机会听到你的声音..
我才会拥有你的温柔..
你才会让我进入你的世界..
你的她不忙了..
我又被搁在一旁毫无用处了..
断了连接我和你的桥..
梦有点酸, 有点辣..

梦醒了..
我也醒了..
我们不曾拥有过去..
因为对你..
我的存在是为了弥补她的空缺..
而对我来说..
你是我不堪回想的痛苦..
但我不会忘了你给我的伤痕..
那些疤会永远烙印在心上..
提醒着我不要走同样的路..

谢谢你让我学会了爱是什么 :]

想通了的我

2011-07-26T11:57:00.002+08:00

我想通了...
不想因为你而失去自己..

为了你..
我一直待在原地..
是时候应该往前走了..

你也往前了不是吗?
新的女友一个换一个..
等你回头的我累了

我祝福你和她..
你呀.. 要永远幸福知道吗?

曾经深爱你的我不会再回头了
Byes ^^

期待 = 失望？

2011-03-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

一直替你辩解，替你圆谎
我的期待却只换来你的背叛

只抛下一句.. "等我.."
就去当兵..

可是...
你却不理会等着你的人,
交了新的女友..

是我傻, 还是我太好骗?

累了

2010-11-04T15:19:00.007+08:00

我好累, 好累, 好累...
有时觉得活着.. 好象失去了意义...

我常说.. 自杀和自残是傻子才会去做的事..
但现在的我却能体会.. 当傻子.. 其实是种解脱的方式...
虽然只能得到短暂的平静.. 我却开始依赖这种平静...

常常在想.. 依赖着自残去得到平静的我.. 会不会.. 有一天.. 也会走上自杀的道路呢?

在朋友眼中的我, 或许是个坚强、活泼、开朗的人..
我曾经是那样的.. 吧?
是我忘了快乐的方法, 还是扭曲了幸福的定义呢?
我想..
应该是.. 我改变了....
是好的改变, 还是坏的改变?
我自己也不知道答案...

陪伴我的.. 就只有孤独和寂寞...
总认为自己和周边环境.. 就是有哪里.. 就有那么一点的格格不入...

生活中的点点滴滴不再让我微笑,
而在哭泣后,
我才能缓缓入眠...

在〈〈天国的树里〉〉, 有段经典台词:
"如果脚会冰，心就会是暖和的
但如果感觉不到脚是冰的，心会变得冰冷"

可是
不管割伤了手多少次，都不会觉得痛，
因为心在淌血...

我真的累了...

博爱

2010-06-02T12:54:00.005+08:00

原本博爱对我来说, 只是词典里深奥的词句..
遇到你是我人生里唯一的污点
或许你教会我如何去爱..

但也是你让我害怕爱情

为何你可以如此残忍?

你的爱..

2010-02-21T13:55:00.000+08:00

太自信是好或坏呢?

深信自己能把你抛到脑后
才发现崩溃时
最希望你在身边, 最想要你的肩膀
最渴望你的拥抱..

最怀念你把我当成她的日子..
因为那时我是你的全部..
你会对我温柔.. 会疼我..
就算只是替代品..

好想再拥有一次.. 你的爱...

2009-12-02T12:38:00.003+08:00

I went taiwan during the September holidays...
Next time i should post some photos then...

Sorry for not updating my blog often my dears.
Was really busy with studies and work at the muffin shop.

I had a dream... lasted for 5 weeks....
I met an angel... The best guy anyone could ever have...

But the dream ended... Just yesterday... I have to face the cruel reality..
I cannot fall in love...
Never...
I am someone not worth to have that...

WJ told me to cherish him, and i really want to...
Thanks WJ, for the congrats, but i guess...
我没有这种福气... 去拥有爱情...

和这位天使的相遇, 给了我很多...
很多很多的第一次...

第一次被疼爱...
第一次有人做早餐给我吃...
第一次有人亲手做礼物给我...

maybe too much memories...
so piggy cant stop her tears...

but ppl,
i will recover de...
maybe it will take some time again...

another 2 yrs maybe?
hahs..

vision getting blur le...
eyes too swollen..
go rest le nei~

take cares ppl...
carin
aka piggy....

2009-08-06T00:04:00.003+08:00

This is a letter to Him...
Hmmm... Sorry... Please skip this if you dont wanna read, i dont wanna spoil your mood.....

######################

Hmmm... Honey,

maybe you were wondering why i came up with that decision...
of really giving up on you..
really wanna stop this thingy from dragging over another year...
really wanna put a full stop in my foolish love for you.

ive been thinking for so long...
what kind of relationship or status are we having, my dear?

we arent bro n sis, nor purely frens.
but yet, im not your gal...
then what am i to wait for you for the whole 2 yrs....?

2yrs is really a very long period of time.. i miss you, yet i cant disturb you.. cox i am of no position to call you up, chat with you... just becox im missing you...
cox im not your gal, honey.
i cant possibly throw Tantrum when i want you by my side or something...

there's something ive been really dissappointed with ya...
you and your empty promises made me believe in you for anything...

<<"wait for me till i finish ns, sugar">>
just a simple text msg, you sent, changed my life entirely...
maybe it was nothing to you...

but honey,
that msg made me waited foolishly for you to notice me...
i was just hoping that if one day,
you feel lonely, you need a company, you want someone beside you,
and yet, your gal is not around, your buddies are busy,
you might notice there's always a silly gal,
still standing at the very same spot, where you left her alone,
waiting for you...

and yet, that gal waited...
she thought you would keep to your promises...
she thought you really meant it...
she naively believed....
but yet, only till today, she knows that,
that promises you made were just sweet nothings....
you found a gal right after you dumped the dumb her....
hahahs.. best joke isnt it?

yet even if she knows,
she doesnt stand a chance anymore,
she knows you will not return to her side anymore,
she knows you will always find another gal, again...
she knows she's foolish, silly, dumb, stupid,

but yet,
she still cant help it..
to fall for you...

you repeatedly asked her,
whether she is serious about that day,
whether she is really okay with that idea,
but have you give it a thought,
why did she agreed??

It's because she loves you,
and you are much more important than herself,
and she doesnt want to see you being disappointed.

you said you wont force her, if she doesnt want,
you hinted you do like her,
and so...?

Honey...
maybe you havent experience true love...
i felt like my heart is torn into a thousand pieces when....
you dont mind that i am with a guy.. yet im not his gal....
and it is you who intro him to me...
even if im kissing him..?
even if im hugging him...?
even if im in his arms.....?

i felt like dying when you brought your gal to visit me...
i felt like killing her because of jealousy...
i felt like bursting into tears to see you and her being intimate.............
yet...
what can i do?
hahs. i know.
i can do nothing abt it, but wet my pillows with tears...

>>if your wife kisses another man,
will you still stay calm and take it like nothing happen?
>>if i see someone kisses you,
i will run in the opposite direction,
with tears rolling down my cheeks.......
cox i m jealous yet angry...
angry with myself for allowing her to have the chance to kiss you....

then will you?
will you feel sad, disgusted, anger or nothing,
if someone kisses me, in your face?
i doubt you will have any reaction...
since im nothing but a stupid gal who will always be there for you,
when you are bored or lonely..

that foolish gal is sick of waiting,
and tired of your empty promises...

she wants to start a new life without you.
she wants to be loved by someone,
she wants to love someone with all her heart...

she wants to get rid of you from her heart,
her mind,
her love life...
though she will still keep you in her memories, contact, and past..............

she broke her promise to you though...
she promised you;
'Never to cry for you...'
yet, she is still crying when typing this post....
if she could blame you for everything,
all the hurtful feelings she had,
all the sad moments she bit her lips, and moved forward...
all the heart-breaking empty promises you made,
one after another.......

you taught me, what love is like...
you taught me, how to love someone with all your heart...
you taught me, how it is like to be loved...
you taught me, there are times when nothing matters anymore,
when i have you by my side,
to protect me,
with those strong arms around me,
who is sound asleep....
you taught me, there are moments when the world stops moving,
because you are kissing me....

you taught me, how a heartache truly feels like.
you taught me, how heart-breaking when you break your promises...
you taught me, howl loneliness can take control of your world,
without you next to me...
you taught me, how tears can be your best fren,
who visit you everytime i misses you...

now the last lesson i have learnt,
not to blindly love someone, ever again.
though love is blind......

Love,
Carin

(Guys, im sorry about this post being so depressing... But i mark this day as the day i have really grown up... :] )

2009-07-15T08:48:00.002+08:00

Okays guys, this is my short hair.
Like it?

Paisei nehs. Drag so long time then post. Busy ma.

Anyways, the stall reopen liao. Anyone interested in Muffins, please tell me oh!! xD

2009-06-02T14:17:00.007+08:00

Hey guys! I cut my hair!!!
Wakakaka~ IT IS SHORT!
I said ~byes byes~ to my long hair the other day.
And i dyed my short hair tooo~

Well, i like my current hairstyle, cox i look lively and more energetic.. [is it the way you spell it?? hmmm... aiya. who cares? xD]

Anyways, show you guys next time. havent have a chance to really take a picture of me and my new hairstyle.

Hmm...
Just now went to read all my old emails. And found a very interesting email, should say meaningful and nice.
Decided to show you guys. Maybe kinda lame la.

But i wanna make an announcement~~
I finally give up hope on Mr. L le!!
Hahahahhas. Cox i realise that no matter what happen, im not the one he will want to stay by his side. =]

看开就好吧. 应该说, 期望太久变失望, 失望过了头, 就不再抱着任何希望.

Dont talk too much crap le.
Here's the "real" post:

Find a guy,
who calls you beautiful instead of hot;
who calls you back when you hang up on him;
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep;
wait for the guy who kisses your forehead;
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats;
who holds your hand in front of his friends;
wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you;
wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,"...that's her.";

Are you that lucky to meet such a guy?
I wish you luck. =D

Love,
Carin.

2009-01-05T00:00:00.004+08:00

19 years ago, I was born at this date, 5 of January...

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me~~
Happy birthday to me!

Thanks, wilfred and mer mer~ thank you so much for remembering my birthday..
Thank you for all your blessings!! May god bless you guys too~ ^^

Hmm... I dont know how t phrase all these, but it is like... I am really grateful to have such friends by my side~

Thanks alot... Really.. thank you......

2008-12-08T20:34:00.003+08:00

Hmmm... I have somehow created an article... based on my point of view on relationships nehs.. hope you guys enjoy reading! xD

你们是否有听说,
人们是上天捏的泥娃娃...

娃娃们都是
一对对一双双
每一对都
有个男有个女

而上天却不让他们在一起
硬要他们分离
然后把他们带到
娃娃的世界
也就是我们所谓的人间

娃娃们不甘心
硬是要找回自己的那另外一半
不管兜了几个圈几个弯
就算绕了十年二十年
也一心要找到那另一半

我想
每个娃娃心里
总是希望能和
他的她或她的他
天长地久

虽然好多娃娃
选择了放弃
成了我们眼中的
老光棍和老姑婆
但他们却过着自由主义的生活
对他们来说
爱情并不是生活必需品

其实...
我也好向往跟他们一样
自由自在地过自己想要的生活
无忧无虑无牵挂无牵拌

没有后顾之忧的感觉
那该有多好~

Love,
Carin

2008-12-01T23:16:00.005+08:00

I saw this bulletin on tagged.. so i decided to put as my new post nehs... Recently tons of assignments and stuff need to handle, i think i dying le nehs... hahs... i dont have an understanding mother like the others, nor a father who is like my friend...

===========
每個人的人生都要找到四個人。

第一個是自己，第二個是你最愛的人，
第三個是最愛你的人，第四個是共度一生的人。

首先會遇到你最愛的人，然後體會到愛的感覺；
因為了解被愛的感覺，所以才能發現最愛你的人；
當你經歷過愛人與被愛，學會了愛，才會知道什麼是你需要的，
也才會找到最適合你，能夠相處一輩子的人。

但很悲哀的，在現實生活中，
這三個人通常不是同一個人；

你最愛的，往往沒有選擇你；
最愛你的，往往不是你最愛的；
而最長久的，偏偏不是你最愛也不是最愛你的，只是在最適合的時間出現的那個人。
==========

All i have is myself, all broken up inside.. How i hope someone could help me share my burden, then i realise.. dreams can only remain as dreams...

No matter how big you dream, it is still a dream..
Maybe you will say that it is just because i didnt open my heart to people...
But if you are in my shoes,
will you?

An unreasonable mother is good enough for me to handle.
And a fucker as my stepdad.
Mentally tired.. My soul hungers for companion, yet...

I am sick of love... Tired, sick, and worst of all, fear of relationships...
One word to describe?
Phobia.
Phobia for work, love, family, tons and tons of school work and housework waiting for me to clear...

Sometimes i really wish i can dissappear into thin air,
cox i really want to escape from all these.

Escape is the only thing i can think of now...
Though i really wanna find back my old self......................................

Love,
Carin...

2008-11-24T18:43:00.008+08:00

Don't ask why.
Women are always women.
I believe every woman hopes to meet her perfect guy and fall in love with him.

A perfect guy,
A perfect romance.
Well, I aren't that type of gal, who thinks on the bright side.
In this world,
There is something called imperfect and unfair.

Recently,
I found a booklet named The Art of Dating in NYP's library.
Well, honestly speaking,
since it is FOC, the kiasu me took control. xP

To my surprise,
this booklet is kinda cool and interesting.
I like the quote that greeted me when i started reading the foreword.

Love is a canvas furnished by Nature,
and embroidered by Imagination.
- Voltaire

======================================================
It is amazing, isn't it?
To have ppl of different bkgrd, personalities and temper to come tgt and become a pair of "lovebirds".

Many met the wrong person at the wrong time;
Some met the wrong person at the right time;
The lucky ones meet the right person at the right time.
They are really lucky, aren't they?
As for me,
I met the right person at the right time under wrong circumstances...

However,
I have realised that it is kinda foolish to freeze my heart for him... wasting my youth (well, to be exact, no youth wasted since i'm not pretty...) and time (hais... 1 year wor... actually it is 1 year and 4 months... hahs.. want the day and time as well? =P )

====================================================
# Nehs... Lucas-kor, if you happen to read this entry...
I just wanna tell you that no matter what happen, I will still be there for you...
I am your blossom, right?
So I will spank your butt butt, if you dont!!
xD
====================================================

Love,
Carin.

2008-11-05T18:48:00.002+08:00

Ppl... Long time no update le nehs... Sorry... Hmmm.... Recently happened alot of stuff thus not in the mood to blog....

Hmmm.. He got involved in a motor accident...
It hurts so much to know he is injured... Now then i understand what they mean by Tearing your heart into pieces...

When i went to the hospital to visit him... my tears went out of control...
He was lying there...sleeping...with a metal structure around his neck to support his head... My heart dropped... His mum and dad were there...

He couldnt really recognise me...cox he was on medication... Only until he is about to eat his meal..his mind is much clearer.. Then he recognises me...

I can never forget how he tried to joke...how hard he tried to make me smile..make me laugh...

I missed him so much... His smile...his voice...especially his scent...

I still remember that time when he came my house and slept on my bed, he left his scent on my bedsheets and pillows...
And?? I had the sweetest dream in my life...

I think i can never forget him... I tried so hard to concentrate on work... trying to know more ppl... etc... Nothing helps to erase him from my mind...

Yesterday i went to bugis to pray for an amulet at the GuanYin Temple... I felt loneliness crawling over me... Alone walking in the streets watching couples holding hands lovey-dovey... Alone in the train being squashed like sardines in a tin looking at lovers hugging each other...The guy protecting the gal.. afraid she would get hurt...

A pain i couldnt describe through words...
Carin...

2008-10-14T20:34:00.003+08:00

Long time no post le~~

Had my vacation.. But now school reopen le~~~
Hmmm... I think i'm those ppl who HATES vacation!! XP

Well, i have not much to say...
Hmmm... oh ya.

Today damn suay.
Kena sabo to be leader.
Sian ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hais.............

BUT!!!!
it is way lot better than to rot at home during vacations. x]

2008-08-14T00:18:00.005+08:00

Recently... I've been really sick... Yesterday morning.. I just vomited bile juice... And whenever I finish my food, I vomit them out...
Now that I know that bile juice is actually green in color... And it taste awfully bitter!! =(

I still can't totally forget him... But due to the sickness, I've been able not to miss him that much... Cox most of the time I feel like sleeping.... and vomiting.....

But when I am left all alone at night, I will miss him like hell.... How I wish I can have him right next to me....... Hmm... I think I was dreaming ba.... Hahs.

That day I receive a sms from my friend... And I find it ultra meaningful...

The msg goes:

Please let go of Him to let others have a chance to love Him,
if you don't love Him...

Please let go of yourself to let yourself have a chance to love others,
if the One you Love gave up on you...

There is always something that you love,
but it will never be yours...

There is always something that you are reluctant to let go,
you will let it free eventually...

In Life,
there are many kinds of Love,
but don't ever let Love turn into Hurt...

If Honesty is Hurtful,
I choose Lies...
If Lies is Hurtful,
I choose Silence...

Is Love a game or a gamble...?

Missing Him...
Carin.

2008-08-07T18:55:00.002+08:00

I am in love with Angela Zhang's 真的 recently...
I think becox the MV of this song is very similar to the story between me and him ba.....
And if Kor happens to see this de hua, must watch the MV... Cox at the ending part... when angela say something... the something is also what I wanna say...

Zhen De - Angela Zhang

我努力的仰着脸孔
试着眼泪不往下流
别往下流

不安的感觉到什么
在我生活中不再相同
很不相同

想要说
却还沉默
伸出手
无法触碰

天空突然一片辽阔
原来你是真的已经离开我
在我不熟悉的世界
过新的生活

闭上眼让泪水滑落
此刻你已真的永远离开我
在另外一个没有我的世界
自由的走

2008-07-30T00:00:00.007+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~
25 of July....

The day my phobia for love began.

I think i can be a fortune teller... I predicted that he has a gal alrdy...
But...
I just dont wanna give up on him...

Well, I know I have to give up now...
Cox no matter how hard I tried...
His heart only contains one gal: Miss V.

I felt so....discouraged......
I used a year... or I should say almost a year.... since it is 11 months and 1 week...from when I started to wait for him after our break up on 24 August 2007....till now...

I dont understand... How can you be so cruel to me...?
I really fall for you... So deep that I cant trust love or relationships now...

I can say....

I really love you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You might not be my first... But you made me understand what is love...
Love is first sour....then sweet... lastly......... Bitter.................

I still rmb when we were having the sweet atmosphere of being in love with each other so much...
Even a peck on the cheek can make the both of us blush for the whole day....
I know how it is like to be loved by a guy when he cuddles in your arms... then kiss your lips...so gentlely....

Still rmb the time when you went to my school to pick me up and we go shopping with xiaomin (yi-da-li/italy) and her friend at AMKHub....?
When we are at my doorsteps...the hug you gave me....?

The hug that tells me how much you love me....
The hug that proves how reluctant you were to let go of me...
The hug that is so forceful... with your strong arms around me...
The hug that last for 5 mins... but it felt like only a sec.....

I have not shed a tear since you break the news of you having a gal on the 25 of July...
But why I am crying now...?
I dont know too....I felt so empty now..... So empty... so empty..........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No matter how much I missed you.. I always remind myself that you are really busy with work, NS, taekwando...etc.
But... You do have time for clubbing, your friend's mum's birthday party...blar blar.... But no time to msg me......

I dont think I asked too much.....
All I want is just a msg per week... Nothing else....

You told me you will contact me when you are free.............
I waited...
and waited....
Only once you msg me... and it is on 13 of April... just the night before my first day of school....

Do you know how happy i was on the first day of school?
To read your msg early in the morning had gave me so much energy...

Know why I always love to hear your voice.....?
It will tame the crying soul of mine which is so lonely and which craves for your hug.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really miss your kisses.. your hugs...
and.....

your Love...............................................

2008-07-13T02:11:00.006+08:00

Hie ppl~ I ultra long ime no blog liao sia...

Life:
Packed with activities from Mon to Sun. Kinda tiring but yet manage to learn to manage my time better as i always have poor time management. (Although my bad habit of waking up late and late for schol hasnt change any bit. ><)

Family:
Mama is as usual. Naggy an irritating. But just 3 more years. I will endure de!!! As for Papa, still the same nor... Work, Home, Soccer and Sleep. Sometimes add on with babes on the MTV channels or movies only. =____=

School:
Common test coming le.. Exams also round the corner... Assignments due date also near le.. Hais... STRESS AHS.

Getting along rather well with my class too. They are a bunch of cute ppl~ And they are amazing!!!

DIT 0806 ROCKS!!!!!!!!

CCA:
Joined Sakuran Japanese Cultural Club of NYP, JMD - Japanese Music and Dance division. Previously was in AAA - Anoymous Anime Addicts division.
But well, for ppl who know me well, you know that i am a dance addict liao le. ><

Got a perf on 9 July de. But cox sch work and house work too much, i was forced to back out from it. Perf event is called, "Shizuoka Exchange Program".
But this coming 23 July got another perf. And i am sure to go for it le!!! It is a full traditional dance perf oh!! During the lunch time concert somemore nor!! ><

Happy things that happen recently:
I got 5 As for my first term!!!!
And another thing is that my house repainting oh!!!
Then i get to change the whole set of my furniture!!!
I am a tuition teacher le!!! Teaching my cousin now. ^^

Sad things that happen recently:
Got a C for my communication skills. Sians. X_____X
Lots of things to pack and unpack cox change new furniture. Though my room look alot more spacious then before but the storage space also alot lesser.
Schedule pack till i kept getting sick....

And.... I still can't get over him.... Should i continue wait for him...? A month more and i can officially say i wait for him a year since our break up... But when today i call him... He didnt pick up my call and instead hang it up....
I thought he was having urgent meeting or anything... But he didnt even bother to msg me.... The whole day....i waited for his msg like an idoit...

I cant help it but to think that i am really an idoit who is the only one putting in effort to try to maintain the sort of "爱昧" relationship... Maybe it is time for me to put my sufferings to a stop...

I dont have the patience to wait... During my sec2, when i crush on BC (Mer, gwen, mojo, you guys will know who the hell he is la), and it is like i knew we wont have any ending or whatsoever but i naively thinks that he might be touched one day... But that day never came.. and it is like i wait for him about half a year like that la.... And kept my another two years "single" just cox i really tot he will notice me.

But Lucas.... I had enough....
Enough of... I miss you terribly till i really cried umpteen of times.
I dont lack of suitors, but i know deep down in my heart, i truly fall for you....

Many might say that i am dumb or whatsoever...
I just want you to know that...

###~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I really love you, my Lucas-Honey...

Sugar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###

2008-05-17T23:32:00.003+08:00

Hie peeper... Kinda sick. Cough for quite a few weeks, might be Sars? Hahs. Kidding kidding.

Well, ppl, feeling kinda low... Why? Kinda fall out of love i guess? Hahs.
After so long... Finally. I really mean finally... i decided to give on him... Who? Hahs. My dear honey-kun... not the one from Ouran if you're a Ouran fan... But one that i found out that i deeply fell for...
If you were to ask me, whether i really know or understand what the hell the word, "love" means?
I would tell you, i dont know the fucking definition for it. But, i experienced it. It is much more than a nightmare if you want me to descibe it... It is worse than eating bittergourd raw... It is far worse than anything bad i ever experienced in my 18 years of life...

That fateful day when he came over my house while my mum went work... I was so happy... I missed him badly... badly enough i can kiss goodnight to his photo and cry throughout the night till dawn, just because i dreamt of him leaving me....

And know what? Though i arent his gf or whatever, a gal being shy to say that,"Can i hug you?", is it a sin?
Do you have to say that the msg is stupid? Do you know i almost burst out crying on the spot? But i swear i will never cry before you... Though tears well up my eyes, i still have to swallow it down into my stomach...

Then when i ask you about my blog.... you mention to me in high spirits that you read my blog along with your friends in camp... I dont mind... But i was so heartbroken to hear that you intro me as your "god-sis, best friend"... so after all... i am just your god sis, then why look at me so lovingly? Is it me the one beong innocent and foolish here? Or is my imagination that is controlling my thoughts?

Thus i decided to leave you... I will keep those beautiful yet painful memories... Anyways, Honey, thank you for everything...

Wrote a poem... My thoughts about this whole chuck of stuff... Thanks for reading up to here... Hope you guys like it... though it is in chinese...

*P.S: To Laopo, DIT0806 ppl, if you guys happen to come across this blog, i apologise for any mood swing and tantrump thrown in the past few weeks... Reasons are fall of love and down on fever, cough and flu... Please forgive me...
-bows- Gome nasai mina.... Owari.........

不论白天或黑夜，心中挂念的，始终是你。。。
我想。。。你不会知道吧？

白天的我，是我所不认识的我；夜晚的我，是让我陌生的我。。。

当阳光洒在脸上时，陌生的笑容是我封闭悲伤的好朋友；
在晚霞慢慢的从天际消失后，夜空渐渐漆上忧郁的海蓝色，那熟悉既强烈的思念又涌入心头。。。

我知道，陪我入梦的，又会是孤寂，哭累的心灵，和那浅浅的泪痕。。。

夜风轻佛发际，我的泪珠就有如那闪烁于夜幕的星辰。。。
虽然美丽的夜色，有带着淡淡忧伤的月光伴着，却缺少了一个你。。。
一个可以让我依靠的肩膀；一个我以为已爱上我的他。。

是我太天真，还是我太傻？

2008-05-06T11:40:00.005+08:00

Photos during orientation~~

[OxO!! when did they take this photo??!!]

[can you see meee?? XD]

[The 4 beauties~~ X3]

[class photo~~!! ^x^]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hihie peepok~

Long time no blog liao. Poly life is stressed up ehs. Projects and homework are killing me liao. Everyday also late late sleep. Tired sia. Wanna sleep early also cannot. T^T
[ i am not in the right mind when writing this part. <-- obviously. =x= ]

Well, it is true that my schedule is all packed up with homework, homework, homework, and PROJECTS!! =(

Hais.... Sian.
Nowadays, things are worsened. My dear mum is sick and has been having diarreoa... [ or whatever way you spell it. ]

Tooting sian. Going to teach cousin vivian maths as tuition soooooooooon. SOON.
X3

I actually do enjoy teaching ppl, BUT, i hate annoying kids, thus i dont wanna be a teacher, but a tutor. XD

ja ne~
-off to do work-

2008-04-21T15:15:00.007+08:00

-->found this in the net search for gothic, which is so similar to my blog skin!!!
but mine still prettier. what do you all think? X]

~~~~~~~~~~
Today is such a busy day. Oh my. Guess what's my schedule?

Morning 7am, wake up, brush teeth, blar blar blar...
At 8.30, leave house for school, to settle web bundle stuff.
9 plus, reach school, with mum ( =.= ), settled web bundle stuff, went koufu to eat breakfast.
9.30, finish breakfast, my yong tau fu... ( >.< ), went to help desk to settle CMS stuff. cox last night cant get in. Then guess what the person at the help desk told me?
"yesterday was down, this morning was down. 5 mins ago. it's up." =x=
irritating right?!!!!? DX
Then? Start the busy day of lessons, [tutorials and lectures], which is like bloody tiring. Hais. TIRED AHS~~!!!

Hais.
Well, ppl, got to do work liaos. byebyes~ =(

2008-04-04T12:45:00.003+08:00

Love is really something irritating, annoying, yet addictive.

I might not be in the position to say this, but i guess i know how it feels to love someone.
Last year, i fall for someone, whom i know for half a year. Somehow when i know him, he seems to have a stead at that time. Few months after we addressed each other as god-sis and god-bro, i fell for him. He isn't dashing, rich nor perfect. However, he attracts me to him in his own way, devoted to love, loyal to people, and the most attractive thing about him is his love to his ex-stead, as they broke off some time back in the period before i fall for him. ( and i didn't know that they broke up.)

Weird isn't it? I admit i am a weido. Hahas.
Well, no deny that i still love him now, though we broke off around half a year since last august. The strange thing about us is that during the one-and-half-a-month we stead, all we did was shop around, fetch me from school back to home,( though he lived at the east end of Singapore..), and the most intimate( whatever way you spell it.) thing we did was hugs. I mean friendly hugs. No kiss, no nothing. Not even holding hands. Just hugs. Like those you give to your friends.

We did kiss. But it was after we broke up, around october when we next meet again. He came over to my house, as people who know me, knows that i can't get the hell of my house without that irritating mother of mine. He came over my house, but people, WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE. Some idoits ask me whether we had sex when he was at my house, which sounds like i am a bitch. ( the way they ask made me sound like one.. =x= )

Weird? After the break, we kiss, hug like a couple. But beofre? Nothing. Hahas. That's why after that, round february this year, he asked me if i would like to patch it up with him. I can honestly tell you. I WOULD LOVE TO.

But that something that is restraining me, FEAR.
I am scared. Afraid to face another time of "attack". What attack? Break-up.
When he broke off with me the other time, i felt i am tearing apart. He isn't my first. But it felt worse than the first heartache i had receive long time ago.

Because of that fear, i rejected him. You might ask, you do still like him, or maybe you should say love, then why now you are rejecting him, when he ask for a patch?
I would answer you: What if we didn't last? What if like before we break up just after a month's stead? And the reason why he break with me the last time? I didn't had much time with him as i was preparing for my O levels. And now that poly is starting to get into my life. I know i will be very busy. I never complain that he doesn't have much time with me, due to NS. Cox i understand. But i don't feel that he does. Thus, i rejected him.

Well, now. Even if he ask me again. I will still reject. One reason is because of the fear. Another? I don't know who am i to him. I don't know whether he does ever likes me. He never says, never shows. And that makes me insecure. And i REALLY HATE that feeling.

Well. A long story indeed. And thanks for reading it. ^^

2008-02-25T11:00:00.002+08:00

Heys, people! I can never be as PISSED as i am NOW.

I don't usually stick my head into a newspaper UNTIL YESTERDAY, MY DEAREST MOTHER who is extremely kind [funny that she is so kind] TELLS ME THAT THE STUPID BLOODY TOOTING IDOITIC PERVERTIC FOOL who is RESPONSIBLE of SPREADING THOSE DISGUSTING PORNOGRAPHS of Edison Chen CALLED HIMSELF [MY IDOL IN DEATHNOTE]: KIRA.

AND I REPEAT MYSELF: HE CALLED HIMSELF: KIRA.

So my dear DEATHNOTE fans, maybe i am the only fan who got so agitated. BUT I REALLY CAN'T STAND IT. DEAR KIRA WHO IS A PERSON WITH EXORDINARY INTENLLIGENCE KILLS PRISONERS AND THE BLOODY TOOTING PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER OFF-DEAD.

BUT THIS IMPOSER [WATEVER WAY YOU SPELL IT.] IS BLOODILY DIFFERENT FROM DEAR KIRA. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-02-22T09:26:00.002+08:00

Recently has been rather busy at home, though most of the time doing only housework. =.=

Well, the posting is out. And i have expected myself to be in NYP in the weeks to come.Hais... Though my dream school is NP... But i understand that my friend who told me that "NYP is a better choice for me", really has a thoughtful mind. She knows me well, and knows that i won't be able to cope with NP's workload, as they are rather stressful, when compared to NYP's which is alittle less tedious.
Another thing is, i live in AMK which is streets away from NYP. And if i am to study in SP or NP, it means that i have to travel all the way to jurong and dover, somewhat the other end of Singapore.

That's all about my posting.I've been alittle upset with my once idol, Edison Chen. I am quite a fan of his after his outstanding performance in the movie , Initial D .
Well, that's his personal life with the crazy sex photographing. But it's really crude for someone to have post all those photos in public and on net. Honestly, i hate the mastermind behind this whole thing.
Some said it's Edison who is the mastermind behind this whole stupid sex scandal. However, i believe he won't be so stupid to ruin himself in the entertainment world.
And those photos that have been in the newspapers in Singapore, which are obviously scensored, showed that the female stars do know where the camera(s) is/are at. So this has proven that they are actually able to avoid this whole sex scandal, but they chose to be the "lead actress" of the sex scandal, as said in the newspapers.
They can avoid it in the first place, if they aren't so open about filming down their sexual intercourse or sexy posture wearing weird cosplay costumes. But i do sympathise them. This sex scandal is alittle similar to the once famous "Tamy" thing.
As a female, i do think that no matter what happens, it's always the gals who suffer most.

Well, end of my long-windedness. [this is sing-lish , i think. well... whatever.]
End of story. And i wish everyone to have good luck with them and everything will go smoothly for them no matter what you are doing! [though i myself never believed in good luck. LOL.]

Lastly, TAKE CARRES~~~!! ^^

2007-09-30T15:37:00.000+08:00

Yoyo~! Toot-ing long time never update bloggy liao. No time sia. Hais. T.T
Sobs sobs.

Recently lots of stuff happened. Hais. My friend seems to be angry with me sia. Hais. Sobs sobs.
Well, if she really want to be angry over such a kind of small matter, then i have nothing to say. Hais. Lose a friend over dispute on money. Hais.

Oh ya. Gwen-dear, i not online on msn often. Maybe i should say i offline all the time? Lols. So can please put the link in the taggy?? When i got free time i will link up. >.<
Sorrie wors! Tui bu qi... -bows-

Well, one happie thing is that i think i will get A2 for my science!!! Hooray!! Imagine i always get E8 for my science. And now, A2!!! Oh my! I love science now. Wakakaka!!

Currently mugging like nobody's business. Well, it is my business. Lols. What the hell am i craping about. =.=

As for my Maths, it totally is gone case. For goodness sake, i got B3 in mid year. But, now? E8. Heaven's sake.

I think my EL is improving in one way or another. But my CL is de-proving. Fortunately, CL is over!!

Rejoice!! One friend of mine, as known as pig head 2, [ cox i am the 'pig head 1' =.= ], is such a freak. i should say, FREAK!!!!

A2 for EL, A1 for CL, A1 for F&N, and have the capability of getting B3 for maths, A1 for combined humanities, A1 for combined science. =.=

Should i say she is a pro, or i should say she is an alien? ==;
Maybe i should say her efforts will pay off, no, is must pay off.
Brilliant in tactics to exams and learn to not fear of subjects she hate, unlike me... >.<
-bows-
-kowtow-
LOLS!

Too stress le. Hahas. I assume i will get................23-24 for my L1R4!! Improvement okays. There is still improvemnet though it is little.

The most happie thing is that that friend of mine told me i am capable of getting......................14!!
L1R4 la.

But, i doubt so.
No no, i should be confident of getting that marks! ^^;

I AM confident OF GETTING 14 FOR L1R4!
==;

Hais.
Still no confidence.
Die le.
I still have tons of past years papers and ten-years series havent do yet sia. T^T

Well, i should go do my work le. Sobs.
Upload some picys for yas~!
Love all of yiu~~~!
Muacks~!

Ja ne~! ^^;

-off to do work-

2007-07-18T20:41:00.000+08:00

For heaven's sake, how long have i been away, not touching my dear beloved com????

well... sorry... mina~~~
short entry this time again...

but i have good news for you guys!!
i got back my results for mid year and i got the 4th position in class, though L1R4 is 26.
but got improvement!!
last year is 30.
lols.

well well...
not much to say but... i am in love again~~~ nyahahahah~~~ >.<

i know you not interested in this, so i change topic ba... haha..
hmmm... another good news!!
i am going to participate in a competition.. er.. i think so.. poem de..
for school de... then need to summit poem in order to be selected for putting my dear great work into some school published magazine or something...

hmmm... well... another thing is i am getting along very very very fine in my new class!!!
however, i still misses my previous batch friends more... alot more...
sobs... T.T

well..... i shall end here... tons of homework waiting for me....
the poem i am going to publish is the poem i had done long long time ago, and i had also publish it on my blog before...

hmmm... the tons of homework are screaming over there waiting for me to console them le...
lols.
my laming skills are getting better with the help of being a loner...
loner in my class but getting close with some juniors too!!

recently, i felt that one guy in my class seems to be interested in me.. er.. i think i think too much ba.... cox the guy is rated as quite handsome in many's eyes.. though not mine.
sorry.... >.<
haha... cox now in my eyes only have my dear darling honey lucas... oh ya.. he WAS my kor.. but now my STEAD.
er... sounds lame. -.-ll
sorry for the lameness...
XD

i said i ending the entry but it seems never-ending le... lols.
really stop here liao. hahas. full-stop. =X

these are picys taken on art fiesta night~~~! >.< nyah~~~

2007-04-21T17:41:00.000+08:00

Mina~~~ Got miss me ma?? >.<

Wahahaha! =) I guess the answer is.... Not! =.=

Lols. I have imporvement for being a lamer, i think. Wahahhaha! XD

Haix... Miss Lucas-kor sia~~ He go NS liao... T.T sobs...

He went for NS on Kenji-kor's birthday [Happie birthdaee, kor!!!], which is April the 13th, known as black friday >> the most unlucky friday in the whole year.

But on that day, i am rather lucky??

Lols. I got to go shopping!! Hooray!!

I am mad. Ignore if you want. Lols.

Well, you will understand how i feel when you are "trapped" in your bloody house without having your computer on for weeks. =.=

I still love shopping just as usual, but i don't really like it when it is with my mum.

Eh... But hor... I don't think i have actually went shopping with anyone else without my mum tagging along wor... Lols. =.=

Come to think of that, i only like to shop with her when she is rich and pay whatever i want.

Evil me. Wakakakakakaka! XD

As usual, i have my tonnes of homework stacked up to my throat for me to clear them all... T.T

And i have been sick for weeks!?! Lols. But it is true... Haix... [cough cough ]

Being sick really sucks like hell, i hate being sickish. I can't concentrate well nor do things well, due to that. Irritating. DX

Oh ya! To my surprise, due to some stupid incident of some agruments on the topic "YAOI", i was praised by dear canfood-chan!! o.0
She said," you are the proud of all yaoi fangirls..." or something like that. >.<>

Well, people don't miss me but maybe misses my picys?? >> Shooting ducky-kun who never taggy me. =(

Petty me. Lols. Hahahahahaha! X3

Okays, enough of craps! Today's theme of the day is....... VK! Vampire knight~~~ >.<>

Note: This includes explicit pictures, which i think is not explicit enough, but sad to say, no yaoi today... T.T [ excludes the opening yaoi pictures. X3 ]

2007-04-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

Oh my... Oh my... It has been a long long time ever since i last updated my blog.. Recently lots of stuff happen and i am in relationship again... Lols. Don't ask me why! Cause i don't know it myself. Diao. =.=

Well, needa go do the bloody elearning liao. Hais... T.T sad sia... Nvm.. Nvm... Hmmm... Got miss me ma ppl??? I think the answer will be no de. T.T Sobs...

Hahax.. Hmmm... Well.. Lucas kor going to NS liao... Hais... No one to lame with me liao nor... T.T Good luck to you oh, korkor!! Hope you won't get all chao ta! Keke!! XD

Well, short and sweet entry, so please forgive me for not updating my blog for sooooooooooooo long! Ppl needa study wor.. And that bloody chubi is soooooooooo darn fucking irritating... She never fails to irritate me! I think she is only good at that ba. I don't find her good in anything else, maybe, shouting?? Lols. Well, i found out that i changed alot, due to some reasons and causes which i also don't know???? Lols.

{off to finish up my elearning}
Ja ne~

Love,carin. ^.^

2007-03-14T21:03:00.000+08:00
Oh, man! I LOVE school today! Amazing! I actually loved school! Lol. Haha.. Well, we had chance to bake buns through using biotechnology. And It was AWESOME!!

Man, i know this entry is damn tooting boring.. But i just wanna update for fun, laughter, peace and joy. Lmao! Hahahahaha~ X3

Well, well, well. Picys time~ Today's theme is~~~~~~~~

D~Gray Man!!!! Hooray~ Banzai~ Rofl! Hahahahaha~ XD

2007-03-13T10:49:00.000+08:00

Bored, bored and bored.... It is now march holidays but i still have to go to school later on... For some bread making and cheeze~~~ X3

Haix... Sad sia... -sobs- T.T Well, not much thingy to share with your guys, but all i can say is school really sucks. I hate homework, man! Homework.... Haix... I think i just have to face it ba... And i somewhat became the tutor of some... =.=

Well, well, nothing to share anymore, so... Picys!!!!!

2007-03-10T10:47:00.000+08:00

It is damn busy at school and now is march holidays, but the homework given are like mountains... Haix... I wont be online often nowadays... Sorry to all~~ T.T

Picys for you ^.^

2007-02-25T12:19:00.000+08:00
Hooray~~~~ Banzai~~~

I am going back to school le~~

Hooray~~~ Rejoice~~~

Short entry cox i need to go out for lunch le...

Gome ne mina~ >.<

Picys for you~~~~

2007-02-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

First, Happy New Year to all~~~~

I might ruin your beautiful day with this entry, so you are free to ignore this. ^.^

I know i am a hypocrite, i know i am selfish and i know i ruin you beautiful morning by telling you i am really damn depressed and need your encouragment.

Forget it. I know that all are hypocrites and that definitely includes me. I am so damn tooting sorry and i will not trouble you anymore.

I foolishly thought that you are my true friend and will always be there for me, when i need you... This is what you told me, but you didn't mean what you said. I knew it.

I am so tooting sorry that i actually so damn silly to believe in your words. I am sorry, and i apologise.

I am not refering to nyone in particular, but just a so-called "best friend" i had.

I apologise and i am really sorry if i ruined your beatiful day with this topic. And very thank you for reading this entry.
Sorry...

2007-02-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

Boring entry.... I realised i have learnt alot after the Os... And it helped me to counter problems in a more positive way...

Learning to get up from the fall of depression, learning to face the cruel reality and learning to be stronger in both love and life.

Hahax >.<

Well... Not in a mood to write much, so picys for you~~ Today's menu is Ouran~~~

[p.s ben a.k.a ducky, feel free to steal them from me ^.^ ]

2007-02-11T09:06:00.000+08:00

This entry is about my decision, after my results.

I decided to repeat my year, and take the O Levels this year again. I think it over and feel that this is the best way out, as retaking O Levels as a school candidate is much cheaper than a private candidate.

As a school candidate, the cost of a subject in O Levels is at most $60, but as a provate candidate, the cost can be up to $100+ per subject.

Well, that's all. Feeling better now, but still feels dissappointed... Study for so hard, and in the end, all i get is a flung.

2007-02-09T23:11:00.001+08:00
You will never know how it feels to be such a disappointing failure...

Parents expect you to do well, relatives giving you pressure by telling you to be a success, step-siblings asking you whether you are confident to be able to make it for the colleges, neighbours and friends telling you good luck, reminding you that you are a o level taker and you are taking your results, and that you are supposed to at least get almost the same grades like who and who...

And now, you got 2 passes and you flung your O Levels and not some random test or mock exam or what...

GCE O Levels...

A national exam and releases the results right before the chinese lunar new year.

What can i do... I bursted into tears when i see my results. No one was noticing that. No one. Not even the ones next to me.

Why? Because they are happily telling everyone they know that they make it into where and where...

No one notices me. Controling my tears and trying to comfort a girl next to me calling, telling that she make it and is bursting into tears of joy..

What about me?? Cry because i didn't make it and is comforting someone who has make it.

Please laugh all you want. This is funny. I cried for ay least 15 minutes without anyone noticing me.

And the most hilarious part of all is that the first one who had noticed me crying alone with no one around me comforting me or at the very, very, very least, be with me, is actually my junior who i didn't talk to much.

Laugh out loud. This is true, believe me, you have my words. This is 100% true and with real, true facts and not some random comedies.

Only after they finished their happy news then they come over trying to tell me it is okay to what and what...

Laugh it loud and clear.

I know you guys do care for me, but only after you have finish your very own business.

And i understand.

But i just feel that people around me are all hypocrites.

Real true friends? What are those? Do i have them? I don't know..

Maybe i do have one.

Thank you, mer. You have done alot for me, and i really do appreciate it. I know you are worried about me. I know.

However, i feel the loneliness again, the loneliness that is my real, true friend, which has been along with me, since i was born.

2007-02-07T15:10:00.000+08:00

Whenever i see some lovey-dovey couples, i feel hurt in my heart... It is like there is something sharp poking my heart, and there is a sour feeling i can't descibe in my chest.....

I thought that i could get over him very soon and gave myself a so-called deadline. However, tears still kiss my cheeks whenever i try to delete the messenges he sent to me... I am trying hard to turn myself back to normal, just like before..

And so, i made myself delete his messenges one by one everyday.....

Although it still hurts, the feeling of hurt isn't that strong like before... The pain isn't that unbearable anymore.. And i have learnt to control my emotions, so that they won't overtake my mind...

Gambatte~~ I will get better~~!! No worries~~!! >.<

2007-02-07T10:45:00.001+08:00
Here is a poem i composed out of interest and which is about my feelings.. It is a little draggy and long, but i still hope that you would like it ^.^

Let's search for and gather the shards of dreams,
even if we are sad,
we can probably still find them now.

Changing the shape of the brightly turning tomorrow,
even if we are sad,
let's feel the sure present.

It's simpler than it looks,
but i can't tell it all.
I'm always putting what i want to say away in my pocket.

I can't say things with child-like plainess now,
it's said that time settles it all,
but without understanding,
i believe in you 24 hours a day.

I stared wide-eyed,
even at common words.
Time always laugh at its own swift feet.

I don't want to be coddled by the dreams of this world's limits.
Let's find a present we want to look for more than memories.

If we don't stop,
we can't start.
If we worry,
we can't move.

A maiden's cheeky wish is to leave behind as it is.
Love is everything,
our era starts from here,
like a bird cutting trough the sky,
the image dancing in the sky begins to move.

This is what i had chose to believe in,
and i am not stopping myself to continue in my belief.

Like an innocent child,
i was hurt.
Like a grown-up,
i have learnt.

Learning to believe in what i can,
learning not to trust those i can't.
Learnig to let go what i should,
learning to not hold those i shouldn't.

Learn to love is the toughest game in life,
know to forget is the hardest part of the game.

Someone told me love is trust,
another tell me to love is to betray.
Betray your soul and love your loved,
but it doesn't tell it all.

If a man knows not what harbor he seeks,
any wind is the right wind.
And by chance,
and with fate,
i was mistaken as your right wind.

You swear by the moon in the sky,
you'll be there by my side.
You swear by the stars in the night,
you'll be there protecting me.

But i know that these promises are lies,
and they are broken.
Promises are meant to be broken,
aren't i correct?

I am like a freed bird soaring in the clouds,
just waiting for the right cage to appear.
I don't regret,
but just feel hurt.

I know it is a past,
not a present,
nor will it be the future.
I give you my blessings and wish you happiness.

Learning to forget....
carin.

2007-02-04T12:28:00.001+08:00
Whenever i sees his msgs he send to me previously, i cant bear but allow my tears to drop free from my eyes...

And now, i still have another source of depression coming up... My O Levels' results are coming soon, my mind is racing like mad, with lots and lots of things, like whether i will pass it or will i be able to make it to the polys and stuff.. Haix... So sianx...

2007-02-04T01:25:00.001+08:00
Hurt pierced through my heart, when i see him online...
I can't explain nor describe the pain... But still, it hurts...

I thought i cried enough... Even it was just a word from him, tears welled up my eyes... Looking at his picture, i cried...

When i chat with him online, my heart aches... It is killing me sometimes when i think of him...
I wanted to forget him... But somehow i can't... And maybe i will just have to let time wash it away...

Memories will still be there, the pain will still hurt but maybe the love will be gone.. The wound won't close but tears will stop...
Hopefully i can get over him soon...

2007-02-03T02:28:00.001+08:00

Recently, i am indulged in playimg online games~~ Sorry >.< So i didn't have time to update my blog, and that is somthing wrong wit the prev entry, so i republish it le ^.^

And there is something so upseting recently... I met this guy and we got together, but we broke up after being together for like only two or three days?! Then i find him rather cute though, and i put in my feelings...

Hard to forget, harder to stop myself from missing him, i know my limits, so we restrained ourselves to be just friends.... Haix...

When the sun rise tomorrow, will i smile and face it, or will i be in tears missing him?

I understand that there is not point making your love stay by your side, when he doesn't love you at all, and he only wants to play around with you, but what can i do to stop my self from missing him?

I can't just forget him in one night nor can i stop myself from missing him, but honestly, i don't feel like making myself forgeting him... Everytime i made myself to forget him, i feel pain in my heart, and that makes me thinking of him more....

Love is something you can't catch when there isn't any fate.... haix... picys for you...

2007-01-06T00:00:00.000+08:00
Wow... It's been a week ever since i last posted... Hahax >.<

Yesyerday was my birthday, and i had a nice and pleasant celebration eating international buffet ^.^

2006-12-26T22:36:00.000+08:00
I haven't been posting for these past ten days, and alot of stuff are going on around me...

The sad thing is, i am still jobless... Haizx............

Recently, i found out that i have been a book-worm, i have been reading lots of comics and also novels... I finally got to read and , both are nice, and it is hard for me to choose one as the best one, since they are from different category... However, i think will be a better choice, as it is a comedy and a tragedy...

Well, enough about the boring topic~~ I am going Malaysia again the day after tomorrow to collect my boots~~~
[dance around like mad]

Rejoice!! My boots are finally ready!!! I have waited long enough!!!! Hooray!! Tomorrow i am throwing a very tiny gathering, and some of my friends can't make it... :'(

But, it's okay... Some of them still make it~~~ As for the gathering, it is actually a little birthday party for me and i am preparing a chocolate fondue!!!

Well, that's all for today... Oyasumi~~ :D [i still need to wake up early tomorrow...]

And qianyi, thank you for introducing me the cookies, they are really nice~~~ Thank you XD

I found more nice pics~~~~ And the topic today is Yaoi~~~

2006-12-16T13:16:00.000+08:00

This entry is a little lame.... you can skip if you want.. But pics for you...

This whole week really sucks!! Monday, i was supposed to meet edwina and marjorie for interview, but i was forbidden, due to that BLOODY BITCH!!! She promised me that i could go for the interview, but she lied!! And the fuking reason is that i haven't finish packing my room!!

Tuesday, i went to malaysia and along the way, she kept talking about me, saying that i am some 'ah lian' or what so ever... Fuking shit!!!

Wednesday was a better day, i bought lots of comics and stuff~~ :P

Thursday and friday were so damn fuking boring.... Nothing much happen though.... Haizx... And i still can't find a job... I am bloody jobless.....

Well... Today, two kids come over to my house and i felt more companied.... How come i sound sooo lonely???

Eventful week and also a boring one....

2006-12-10T19:12:00.001+08:00
Nothing special happen today...

As usual, my mum indulged in her majong games and me resting... Resting for tomorrow's busy scehdule...

Haizx... I had to get up early in the morning tomorrow to make a trip to the bank, then go to the temple at Bugis... Man, it is like damn tiring and busy!!

Argh... And this is not over yet.. I still have to go all the way to Orchard to meet edwina and marjorie for the sales promoter's interview....
Tiring sia... Haizx... Busy busy busy... Packed scehule makes me dizzy...

Recently, i have this hobby of seeking for nice pics~~ So i shall share some of my collections then~

2006-12-05T01:04:00.001+08:00
I am jobless again... Haiz... I went for a job and got my first pay, and there it goes... My first job gone.... Haiz.....

Anyway, if you guys have any recoomendations... Please tell me!!!

Nice pic for you!!

2006-12-04T23:42:00.000+08:00
I totally can't stand my fuking mother la!! She is sooo damn b*tchy la!! Then fuk la!! Shit sia~ Argh~~ Can someone please fuk her!?!
Anyway, i have another pic for you guys!

2006-11-30T19:16:00.000+08:00
This entry contains nothing except frustrations.... It's okay if you skip it.. But before you skip it, i found some nice pics from devianart to share with you!!

I really hate it, man!! I went to an interview with my friend, and guess what?! She got her job and i didn't!!

Argh... Okay, fine... I went to another intherview ( this time alone ), and i still didn't get the job!! Bloody hell... I really hate it!! I think i shall go for another interview tomorrow...

And another thing that made me soooo angry is that stupid mother of mine!! I told long long time ago that i had to go for the NP's Red Camp...But that idoit restricted me!! And in the end, i can't go!
!$#%^*)@$$
Sorry... I need to vent out my anger... And i have to!! Otherwise, i will explode!!!

2006-11-25T16:40:00.000+08:00
I can finally put O levels aside!! For all those days of torture, i can now rest and relax...

Wait!! No, i can't rest nor relax... I have to get myself a job and earn some money$$... Money, money and money$$~~ Hehex... Am i little too money-minded??

Well.. True enough, i need money to do lots of things~~ I think gwen will agree with me! Hahax :)

This entry is a crappy one, so if you don't wanna read so much crap, you can just skip and go right to the end~~

Argh... Sometimes i really hate youtube!! But sometimes it really rocks!! I hate it when it is soooo damn fuking slow and some busybodies go round reporting those nice and good uploaders!!

There is a damn good uploader who uploads Bleach videos with good quality and even with each and every single episode's tittle!! Kittehpawks, you rocks!! But i wonder which idoit went reporting some stupid stuff and the videos are all gone!! Bloody shit!

Never mind.. Let's think on the good side... I am soooooooo glad that i don't have to touch my textbooks and stuff for these few months~~ Hooray~~

Hmmm... But i still want to touch as many comics as possible!! Hehex:) i am a little greedy, aren't i??

The prom on the night before really rocks, man!! The food were pretty alright, especially the fish!! The fish was sooo delicious~ It is finger-licking good!!

Well.. Everyone was sooo cho yesterday! Merlin with her nice dress and new shoes, Caiyun with her sexy black dress and my mum's high heels ( evil laughter ), Marjorie with her pretty hair and Edwina with those nice curls and make-up~~ -envy-

As for me, i was praised by Merlin, sayng that i looked like a princess~
[ people, don't PUKE!!! ]
Well... I do look prettier than normal me~~

All thanks to my mum!! She did Merlin and my makeup and it was fantatic! I couldn't recognise myself!!

It was fun except the prom king part... The prom king is soooo -pukes-... Well.. I think i shouldn't comment much on that... But as for the prom queen, it was Diana who got it~~ She is really pretty~~ -envy-
Well... I am pretty too~ [ Don't puke!! ]

Overall, it was a fun and eventful night~~

As compared to the prom night, the graduation ceremony on the last day of school is a little too simple and boring!! But they really don't know how to arrange performance for us... On both events, the performance and games or what-so-ever were sooo damn boring and common... No creativity!!

Afterall, i think the most memorable part is to meet and gather with all my friends!!
[ Erm... Actually... It isn't exactly all of my friends... Gwen didn't attend prom... ]

Well... Not to forget, the dance farewell party is pretty okay... But the school is really on budget, man!! For goodness' sake!!

From the first year i joined dance, the farewell party is always organise and interesting, and most of all, it is always with the celebration of teachers' day and it is held in the hall all along...

However, the farewell party two nights ago was terrible!! It was held at the quadrangle without any air-conditioning and the lightings were poor... Although the food is still buffet type, they added a weird thing, which is BBQ!!

And worst of all, the juniors have no bloody respect for their seniors!!! The seniors should get their food first before them, and what happen in the end was them grabbing the food like nobody bussiness and did not even respect their seniors nor teachers by serving them food!! Are the seniors invisible or what!?!

And the most unbearable part is that they don't even serve the teachers!! The chairpersons were eating their own food and don't even care a little about the senoirs and teachers!! And in the end, we as seniors have to serve the teachers on your bloody fuking behalf!?!

Well... I have to calm myself down or else i will start blabbering vulgarities.... But i am still pretty glad that i joined dance instead of any other CCAs...
Actually... The juniors weren't that bad.. At the very least, there were two juniors who had conscience and think about us... They even bought us presents, even though the presents were only for three seniors, which are Merlin, Caiyun and me...
Thanks for your presents, Jiaxin and Engpeng!!

Okay... Here are some of the pictures taken on the night before>>>