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The Dancer ♥ Age: infinity Stay: the End of Time Birthday: 5 Jan' About me: Read on to know more Look Back ♥ Lucky day Good food, Good times 谢谢你，我的幸福 Hanging out with the gals Happy 3rd Month ♥ BUSYYYYYYYYYY 像小夫妻的几天 ♥ Forever n always ♥ 不能没有你 Recalls ♥ December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 July 2007 September 2007 February 2008 April 2008 May 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 December 2009 February 2010 June 2010 November 2010 March 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 July 2012 September 2012 October 2012 the Audiences ♥ All who loves her!! ♥ the Choreographers ♥ Base code:OHsaygoodbye Image: Kristi |
Tuesday, October 25, 2011 ( that 'me' @ 01:38 ) I tot she died alrdy. When my love for tat Satan turned into hatred. She's back. Taking over me again. To see tat flow out of there, To feel the warmth of tat down my there She is my remedy. Only she can ease my pain. I feel calm now. Next will be.. those. 0 comments Monday, October 24, 2011 ( sleepless sleepless night.. @ 00:39 ) Sleepless for about a week is even scarier. When you are so tired, until you can fall asleep standing.... The minute you close your eyes.. Nightmare. Nightmare n nightmare Now.. I so scared to close my eyes.. 0 comments Wednesday, October 19, 2011 ( 最没诚意的告白方式 @ 23:28 ) SMS, MSN, FB, TWEET or whatsoever. Is it so hard to tell someone you love her n confess face-to-face? So sincere of you to ask on MSN =.= *Sigh* I would definitely say,"YESH" to anyone who confess n ask me to be his gf face-to-face IN PERSON <3 0 comments ( Moving out @ 14:13 ) Plan B: 0% I really need to faster abit liao sia Too slow poke :/ When a guy dont give you a single bit of security, you tend to feel loneliness, fear n insecurity :( Hais.. Why can't you let me feel more secured? How good if you tell me you can protect me, n I'm safe as long as I have you protecting me? Heroro.. I feel insecure.. :( Suddenly reminds me of someone being jealous when I told him abt my Childhood bf always protecting me when I was young. He said,"He can protect you when you are young, doesn't mean he can protect you now. But I can protect you now n in the future" So sweet huh? Sweet talk. Honey coated words. Ha ha. 0 comments Tuesday, October 18, 2011 ( 心好乱 @ 00:59 ) 我以为 我可以慢慢地 忘了你 你的冷漠 让我相信 我可以 可是 为什么突然地关心我 我的步伐 乱了 心 也乱了 怎么办 I think i still need more time to forget you 4 78455 5683 968 0 comments Saturday, October 15, 2011 ( Another Satan @ 17:11 ) I got rid of you alrdy. But you have another twin bro now. I tot a blockhead can't hurt me. Just like you, promise promise and promise. Break break break n break. How nice. Lucas, I told you tat Satan is a fall angel, Lucifer? And I said tat even though Lucifer is a fallen angel, a bad guy, the evil one, I'll still love you as you are. Now you have your twin, Blockhead. Everytime I try to give myself a chance to love, I'm bound to fail. Just realize I dont think of Lucas, Wilfred not even Joseph for the past few days. Only keep thinking of that bloody idiotic Bloackhead. Maybe I should give him a chance. I should put faith in him. I should believe I can be in love de, I can be blissful de. How nice how nice. Thinking of this Blockhead for the whole night till insomnia. Now my dark eye circles so deep. I thought he misses me even more. Thus the moment I gt back my phone, I msg him immediately. See tat he haven't reply. Worry this worry tat. What if he fell asleep in the living room again? What if he fell sick? What if he catch a cold how? If he sick, gt ppl take care ma? Keep thinking abt him.n him only. Tell me give him chance Tell me believe in him Blah blah blah I really too naive le Call him Cox i miss him Its obvious isn't it? When you receive a call from someone, 100% is Cox the person is thinking of you, missing you then will call you wad Then you miss her also, yearn for her. She happy cannot laugh cannot smile ah? Then say she laugh is Cox she tease you Wtf. She eat too full ah? Or too.bored? Nevermind. Best part? You miss him whole night then exchange with " I go find OTHER GAL" WOAH WIN LIAO LOR Then give empty promise again la? Promises are meant to be broken. A joke can hurt. Heartbreaks are hard to heal. Dont tell me you are tat blockheaded to not know these. Argh. I shall not be naive le I will REMEMBER to talk to you in MONOTONED MANNER DONT MISS YOU COX IN EXCHANGE YOU WILL TELL ME YOU WANT SOME OTHER GAL HOW NICE HOW NICE ITS TO ASK SOMEONE TO FUCK OFF IN ANOTHER WORDS HA HA WHAT A JOKE 0 comments Thursday, October 13, 2011 ( Dilemma @ 18:26 ) I know it very well. I should leave this house. Just like Pighead said,"if you give in any further, they will still take it for granted. Thus there should be some soul-searching done." Its true tat they, or to be exact, its she is always hindering my future. If i was less obedient n give in less, i won't end up in a course n school i dont like. I want freedom. I'm sick of hearing my friends n cousies telling me the same old thing: you so poor thing. I pity n sympathize you. But i can't do anything to help you I need a change. I need help. Lucky i still have my dearest Pighead <3 0 comments Tuesday, October 11, 2011 ( Needing you @ 11:59 ) I really missed you.. I know. I shouldnt be. but i just cant control my thoughts. That bitch hit me again. I need your kisses to heal them. Last night quarrel le, took my phone away, in the end, no pics of you pei me to bed. This morning i dont know whats wrong with her. Just becox house phone is in my room, she made a big fuss. I give in, dont wanna quarrel, dont wanna hai dao my friend. Cox she called him back. Then she became damn ridiculous. Took my windows phone, now my bb as well. Lucky i gt old samsung as spare. but samsung de abit problematic. If you could be here, hold my hand, tell me i'll be fine cox i have you like you always do. Sorry. Used to do. Must keep remind myself "past tense past tense" hahahahahhas. If only you could be here, lead the way, assure me. I'll leave this place now. Few days more will be Ah Yang's wedding buffet gathering. Few weeks more is her actual big day. I dont know if i can last that long. If i were to leave this place, what should i bring? Piglet and the tee you bought for me is a must, But somehow i keep looking at Chubby no.2 n 3. Gifts from my second ex tat i've mentioned to you before. I rmb you always tell me to lean on you. When you fetch me from my ipp workplace, you said i can lean on you whenever im tired. so can i do that now? When we were at USS, you said i could hug you if i want. I wanted to when we are saying goodbye. But you walked away too fast. You didnt turn back. Baby.. I miss the way you call me 'Baby' I miss the moments we were tgt. I miss it when you insit on carrying my things for me I miss it when you hold me hand, not wanting to let go I miss it when you say you love me. I know you dont anymore. I wont be tat naive to think you still do. But now. I wanna be naive for a split second. Baby, deep down in your heart, there must be somewhere. Im still there. right? That is why im not deleted from your fb list right? That is why you still reply my msgs though you are being so cold to me. right? Maybe. Just maybe. You are reading this. Just wanna let you know. I Love You, Baby. Im not someone who will say ILY easily. Cox when i say it, i meant it. I'll give up my life for the one I love. Just becox I Love You, I pushed you away, out of my world. Just becox I Love You, I know you deserve a better gal, someone who puts you in her first priority. I couldnt. I need to settle too many problems. Just becox I Love You, I would rather be cruel to you, cold to you, bad to you. So you can love another n forget all abt me. So you would think I never loved you. So you would think im just a selfish gal, who only thinks of herself n always neglect you. I meant it when i say "要幸福喔" I just want you to be happy, to last long with her, to be 幸福 不过, 我必须老实告诉你 我真的很爱你的 I never knew. Love can be so sweet. You taught me tat having a guy always there for you, be it hard times or good times. I can be 幸福 too. You let me know i can rely on you for support. I dont have to bottle everything up thus thank you for giving me 幸福 Baby. I need you now. I need you right now. Wipe my tears for me Give me a hug Tell me you will take care of me for the rest of your life Your words keep ringing in my ears They never go away, since the day i pushed you away I gaved up on you I regret le But no uturns in life huh? I should have accept your proposal at that moment. Why must i stupidly keep thinking of others opinions? Why must i keep scared of your parents will dont like etc. Why am i tat dumb to let you go? I want you back. No. I need you. Baby J, C <3 J 还是爱着你, Carin 0 comments Monday, October 10, 2011 ( Missing you again @ 11:07 ) You gt wear extra clothing? Weather cold, you always dont wear jacket de. But just recovered from sickness cannot bu guai ah! How I wish I can tell you all this. But I'm in no position to do tat. Hope you are not working in the rain again. Hope she will remind you of all these. It still hurts, when I miss you. But improvement!! I learnt to smile when I miss you. Smiling at the thought of your sweetness, silliness n thoughtfulness :) Loves, Carin 0 comments Saturday, October 08, 2011 ( I just died @ 22:57 ) Ha. Hahahahahha I just died. But the pain from the cuts doesn't help My heart hurts Carin 0 comments ( Love = driving? @ 19:20 ) You get into a car, start your engine: waiting for love You put down your handbrakes: your 'firewall' in your heart Checking your surroundings n mirrors: self reflection, asking if you are ready for it When you are at neutral gear: you n him are just friends Gear 1: you start to feel he is special, different from the rest of your guy friends Slow n steady, you move to gear 2: you wanna get closer to him, start to think of him often Car is picking up its speed, thus gear 3: you start to miss him, wonder what he's doing, whether he had his meals, start to msg him more than often, wanna hear his voice, miss his smiles, his laughter, the moments you're with him Thus gear 4: sweet nothings. The stage where you n him are always lovey dovey, sweet sweet love. Gear 5? Happily ever after? This is the stage everyone yearns for. Longlasting love. But... Things never go so smoothly, isn't it? You can gear up. Thus, you can gear down. Gear downs: arguments, bickers, quarrels and disagreements. Soon, all your sweetness turns into bitterness. Then worst case scenario: breakup or strangers So you're back to square one: neutral gear, handbrakes up, engine off Building a defensive wall around your heart, not moving forward n dont yearn for love anymore. Well. Being hurt once takes years to heal. Twice, then now thrice. I'll never allow a fourth. An open wound not healed, then cut on it again n again. I'm really sick of love n r/s le. Everytime I try, everytime I believe, everytime I have faith, I'm bound to be disappointed n hurt. I'll never repeat my mistakes again. Never ever. Sign off <\3 Carin 0 comments Wednesday, October 05, 2011 ( Excruciating @ 20:48 ) Looking at the slots machine, I start crying Looking at my mocha, I cried Looking into the air, tears Looking at the movie, tears again I've lost count how many times I cried today.. I really miss you. If I dont read up on your blog, your wall posts, maybe probably I won't cry this much But when i gave you my blessings for you n her to last long n i really hope from the bottom of my heart that she will love you much more than you loves her. However, the pain is really excruciating I couldn't breathe at all. I need to borrow my mum asthma inhaler thingy. The fact tat you took my heart away doesn't change. When i see your signature, i feel my heart stop a beat. J <3 C Yet. C is her. Not me. Not anymore. I didn't know i fell for you this deep. I drowned in your love. Sinking into tears, Carin 0 comments ( I cant breathe .. @ 02:30 ) I've tried too hard to divert my attention to many other things, so the pain of missing you might cease. Why are you so cruel? Can't you call her some other Nick other than 'baby'? Or is it tat all gals you like as 'baby'? Everything reminds me of you. When I'm eating my double cheeseburger, reminds me of a cute guy drinking my cappuccino, complaining its bitter. Keke~ When eating my noodles esp ramyun, reminds me of cutie boyy staring at me, waiting for me to finish my kimchi ramyun n he was busy taking pics of himself n my gift for him. Whenever i drink soft drinks, i rmb we kinda indirect kissed Cox we shared a bottle of 100plus. Baby.. You must really be super ultra happy n blissful. Though i still loves you, I'm trying hard to control my emotions. I have improvement!! I smile the minute my eyes well up when i miss you. -------------- To have endless of suitors could be fun. But I'm so sick of hurting ppl. But H, As promised huh. I'm trying hard not to cry. I'm a good gal today. I only cried twice :) Hahahs. Heartbroken, Carin 0 comments Tuesday, October 04, 2011 ( Love? @ 02:04 ) Its torturing enough to miss you. I must be mad now, mad enough to be sobbing n smiling at your pics. All your words ringing in my head. Your laughter, your voice n your kisses. It was less than a month ago when we argue over tiny little matters, as we missed each other too much. I've gt tat urge to dial your numbers. But I know. I'm nothing to you already. It was just last week when you told me nothing is more impt than replying my msg, picking up my calls. I was your world. Past tense. Ha ha. I'm so fucking pathetic -------------------- To Mr. H: You know he will be in my heart for quite some time. You wanna wait. You wanna prove tat you love me or whatsoever. But? Obviously, I only have tat feeling tat you are soughting for lust not love. I have mistaken you? Prove me wrong then. ---------------------- All I want in love is a guy who loves me, understands me, cares for me n understand my situation. I just wish to be his pillar of strength n the one he will turn to no matter is it happy, sad, anger or pain. I need him to give me assurance bcoz I'm a gal always lack sense of security. To give me a hug when I'm sad, To kiss me when I'm pissed, To cheer me when I'm down, To hear me whine when I'm depressed, To coax me to bed when I'm unable to sleep, To be there for me when I'm tired n lost. I'm nt suit for love. Moral of the story: Honey coated words are lies n broken promises in disguise Never believe in men, esp. The one you love. Heartbroken, Carin 0 comments Monday, October 03, 2011 ( Genting! @ 16:14 ) I'm supposed to catch some sleep on the bus, but I couldn't. My previous trip was full of happiness becoz I have you thinking of me. But this trip is full of loneliness.. Cox she is in your heart now. I'll try harder I'll just focus on every other thing, probably tat way.. I won't miss you tat much.. Loves, Carin ): 0 comments ( I miss you.. @ 01:43 ) From the cute pic of zhuzhu kissing your cheeks to a blank black screen. I wanna regret, but I know I can't. I wanna regret of pushing you away from me when I wanna be with you I wanna regret of saying things opp. of my true feelings There's so many memories I hold onto Its torturing. But to see tat you're love with someone else I'm happy for you. Yet I'm in agony To see the one you really really like becomes someone else's bf.. To see your wall post shows your love for her I'm dying from the pain in my chest But.. At least i know, There's one point in your life i was the most important gal to you. Though its past tense now.. Hahah.. 0 comments Saturday, October 01, 2011 ( @ 02:03 ) But I'm so pathetic now I'll never believe in love. Never again. My heart hurts Someone please save me It really hurts Its really painful I should be happy to see you are so xin fu.. But it just hurts so much I'm breaking down.. I felt like being tear apart.. Its another sleepless night.. Crying till dawn.. I shouldn't fall for you Shouldn't believe in love Shouldn't think tat far I'm going crazy.. My chest hurts. It feels so hard to breathe 0 comments ( @ 00:37 ) I've been so busy these two days tat I didn't think of you, until now. Tears again. Wahaha. I'm so ridiculous n PATHETIC. You have a gf le huh? I should congrats you. I couldn't. I shouldn't be such a whore to check for new post at your fb wall. I know. It's time i should face it. Heartbroken, Carin 0 comments |